IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that television can be used effectively in schools for educational purposes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Television
Use synonyms
 has become an important source of information and entertainment, and some people believe that it should be used as an educational tool in schools. I largely agree with
this
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 view because
television
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 can make lessons more engaging and provide
students
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 with valuable visual information.
Body paragraph 1
One major advantage of using
television
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 in classrooms is that it can capture
students
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’ attention. Traditional lessons may sometimes be repetitive,
whereas
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 educational programmes and documentaries can make learning more interesting.
For example
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,
students
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 studying geography can watch documentaries about different countries and environments
instead
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 of only reading about them in textbooks.
This
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 can improve their understanding because they are able to see real-life examples.
Body paragraph 2
Another benefit is that
television
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 can provide access to a wide range of educational content.
Students
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 can learn about subjects that may not be fully covered in their school textbooks.
However
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,
television
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 should not completely replace teachers or traditional teaching methods. Excessive use of screens may distract
students
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 and reduce interaction between teachers and learners.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
television
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 can be a useful educational tool because it makes lessons more engaging and provides visual learning opportunities.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it should be used in moderation alongside traditional teaching methods.

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task response
State your view in the first part, as you do now, and keep it clear all the way through.
task response
Develop the second main point more. Say what kind of school topics TV can add, and explain how this helps students learn.
task response
Add one more clear example. For example, a science film can show how a volcano works, which may be hard to show with words alone.
task response
Your point about too much screen time is useful. Explain when TV should be used, such as for a short film after a teacher has given key facts.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this simple plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. You can use words such as “Also”, “For this reason”, and “On the other hand” where they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link in the second main part smoother. After saying TV gives more content, show how this idea leads to the need for teacher help and limited use.
coherence and cohesion
In the ending, repeat your main view and main reasons, but do not add a new point.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view: TV can help at school, but it should not take the place of teachers.
task response
The geography example is useful and easy to understand. It shows how seeing real places can help students learn.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a good order: first interest in class, then more learning content, then a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear idea, and the ending matches the view in the first part.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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