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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the number of serious crimes that occurred in London between 2003 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph below shows the number of serious crimes that occurred in London between 2003 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart displays the
amount
Use synonyms
 of severe crimes
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 armed robbery, assault and
murder
Punctuation problem
murder,
show examples
 that happened in London from 2003 until 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
amount
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of armed robberies decreased significantly. The number of assaults increased gradually
while
Linking Words
 the figure for murder remained relatively stable throughout the time
period
Use synonyms
. The
Use synonyms
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of armed robberies was the highest at just below 3500 in 2003.
Then
Linking Words
, there was a slight increase in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of armed robberies from just below 3500 to approximately 3700 in 2004, followed by a consistent decrease until 2008, dropping to almost 1000. After that, the figure rose slightly from almost 1000 to 1500 in 2009 before remaining almost stable until the end of the
period
Use synonyms
. The
Use synonyms
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of assaults was around 2400 at the beginning before facing a downward trend by 2000
in
Correct word choice
, and then again in
show examples
 2006. After that, there was a gradual increase until the end of the
period
Use synonyms
, reaching approximately 2700. The number of murders was the lowest at the beginning
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just above 500
before
Punctuation problem
, before
show examples
 rising noticeably to just below 1000 in 2005.
Then
Linking Words
, the figure hovered between 500 and about 700 until the end of
given
Correct article usage
the given
show examples
period
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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