IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people nowadays decide not to work for a large company but to become self-employed. What problems might this decision cause? What can they do to solve these problems?

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Introduction
A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 now are deciding to be self-employed rather than being in corporate companies. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will point out some causes and what they can do about
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
this
Linking Words
 kind of society we have right now, life has become more stressful and heavier.
Therefore
Linking Words
, working in a corporate company can feel a lot of pressure and anxiety.
For instance
Linking Words
, if you want to be promoted and have a higher salary, you need to perform perfectly and have a lot of
connections
Use synonyms
. Where most
people
Use synonyms
 can’t do that, having
connections
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 is hard, especially if you’re an introvert type.
Second,
Linking Words
the boss and managers have
favoritism
Change the spelling
favouritism
show examples
 where they just focus on one person,
instead
Linking Words
 of being fair to other employees. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is one of the reasons why most
people
Use synonyms
 decided to be self-employed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, being self-employed, you can handle your own time and not have too much interaction with other
people
Use synonyms
,
where they
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
feel
Verb problem
help them feel
show examples
 less
stress
Replace the word
stressed
 and can do their work perfectly.
Body paragraph 2
The solution that they can use to convince other
people
Use synonyms
 to be in large companies is to be fair
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all. Having goals and appreciation for each individual and promoting only the employees who really deserve it, without
favoritism
Change the spelling
favouritism
show examples
 and
connections
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, reducing the restrictions on employees to go home on time so that they can relax and rest.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, having the right treatment for all and removing the
connections
Use synonyms
 can make the company a friendlier and nicer place.

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task response
Answer both parts in the same way. Your first main part should explain problems of being self-employed, such as no steady pay, less job safety, long work hours, and having to find clients. Your essay now mostly explains why people leave large companies.
task response
Make the solutions match the problems. If the problem is no steady pay, the answer can be to save money before starting. If the problem is finding clients, the answer can be to use ads or ask past clients to tell others.
task response
Give one clear example about self-employment. For example, a new shop owner may have no pay for the first few months but still has to pay for rent and goods.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph on problems, one paragraph on ways to solve them, and a short ending. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main idea. For example: “One main problem for self-employed people is an unstable income.” Then explain it and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, “Where most people can’t do that” can be changed to “However, many people cannot do this.” Keep each sentence short and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Do not change the focus in the solution paragraph. It talks about making large companies better, but the question asks how self-employed people can solve their own problems.
task response
You have a clear view of why some people may not want to work for a large company, including stress, unfair treatment, and a need for more control of time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and an ending. You also use simple linking words such as “To begin with,” “Moreover,” and “To conclude.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas about stress and unfair treatment are easy to understand, and the point about promotion gives the reader a real work situation.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • financial instability
  • employment benefits
  • health insurance
  • paid leave
  • retirement funds
  • collaborative environment
  • support structures
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • brand establishment
  • client acquisition
  • marketing strategies
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