IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The younger sister of one of your friends is thinking about spending a year studying abroad as part of her university course. You did this recently, and she has asked you about your experience. Write a letter to your friend's sister. In your letter • tell her where you studied during your year abroad • describe what you learnt about the country you studied in • explain why your year abroad was helpful for your studies Dear .....................,

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Dear Matilda, Thank you for your question
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
related
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study
abroad
Punctuation problem
abroad,
show examples
 as you know. Well, I went to
griffith university
Capitalize the proper name
Griffith University
show examples
 in Australia in 2015. I studied nursing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it took me four and
half
Correct article usage
a half
show examples
 years to achieve.
However
Linking Words
,
finally
Linking Words
 I graduated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
early of february 2020. As you know,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 abroad is challenging. My first day in Australia was annoying. I did not have any friends to
comunicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with. So rang my mom and
talk
Wrong verb form
talked
show examples
 with her. But, a month
later
Punctuation problem
later,
show examples
 I got
along with
Linking Words
 many international friends. The reason I chose to study overseas was that the education system in Australia is better
in
Correct word choice
than that in
show examples
 our own country. There were lots of practical rather than
theory
Replace the word
theoretical
. And
also
Linking Words
 the
lectures
Replace the word
lecturers
 and students are friendly and helpful. Studying abroad is helpful because it
easy
Verb problem
is easy
show examples
 to get a job. I have
being
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
 working in Timorese International
hospital
Capitalize the proper name
Hospital
show examples
 for two years. Good luck.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer each part more fully. Say what you learned about Australia, such as its people, way of life, or health care.
task response
Make clear that this was one year abroad as part of your course. Give one or two clear ways it helped your studies.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph: where and what you studied, life in Australia, what you learned, and how it helped you.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of ideas, such as “First”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the letter style warm and personal. Start with “Dear Matilda,” and end with “Best wishes,” or “Kind regards,” followed by your name.
task response
You tell Matilda where you studied and give a clear example of how the experience helped you get work.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear beginning, middle, and short ending. You also use some time words, such as “first day” and “a month later”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: