IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people nowadays decide not to work for a large company but to become self-employed. What problems might this decision cause? What can they do to solve these problems?

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Introduction
‏People nowadays
started
Verb problem
have started
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 to leave their main jobs
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and start their own careers. By opening new businesses and becoming self-employed .In
this
Linking Words
 easy we will discuss what problems
may you
Correct word order
you may
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 find from
this
Linking Words
 decision and what causes them, trying to find reasonable solutions to solve these issues.
Body paragraph 1
‏
To begin
Linking Words
 with , what's the first problem
can anyone
Correct word order
anyone can
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 face
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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whenever he starts his own business ?
Body paragraph 2
‏
If
Use the right word
Of
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 course managment . How
he will
Correct word order
will he
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 arrange the project
in
Change preposition
on
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 all sides of
hidden
Correct article usage
the hidden
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 and shared parts ?Management and arrangement are the main reasons for failure or success ,
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and
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 it's the base of any project . Whenever you have them fixed, you will know how to deal with any sudden change or challenge
by
Change preposition
in
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 the right way.
Body paragraph 3
‏
Body paragraph 4
‏
Moreover
Linking Words
, building the base of anything is the hardest thing. As a new entrepreneur or even a small
work
Check wording
business
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,starting with making a group of employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have the ability to manage, by sharing specific details with their group members are the first step toward success .
This
Linking Words
carry
Verb problem
helps
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 you to understand how the company works with clear goals rather than messy papers. The main point is that you need to be there between your employees to encourage them and to continue growing , clearly facing all possible obstacles.
Body paragraph 5
‏
Conclusion
In the conclusion , I want to say that
the first step is
Linking Words
 the hardest , but
however
Linking Words
 difficult it was , never let
you
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 down, just
re - arrange
Correct your spelling
rearrange
 your schedule and papers and stand back with your group , and you will achieve success.
Overall
Linking Words
, the journey
deserve
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserves
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 every fall , but remember always to keep going and fill up gaps.

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task response
You answer both parts, but the problems are not fully clear. You mainly talk about poor management. Add other common problems, such as no steady money, long work hours, and the risk of losing money.
task response
Make each problem match one clear solution. For example, poor management can be helped by a simple work plan or by asking an expert for help. Money problems can be helped by saving money before starting and keeping costs low.
task response
Explain your ideas more. Say why poor management is a problem and what may happen. Give a short real or clear example, such as a new shop owner who does not plan costs and cannot pay workers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, main parts, and a conclusion. This gives it a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each main paragraph. For example: “One major problem is poor management.” Then explain this idea before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Some questions in the middle break the flow, such as “what's the first problem”. Change them into full statements. This will make the writing more formal and easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. “To begin with” is good, but “Moreover” should add a new point. At the moment, the next paragraph still talks about management. Add a different problem or join these two paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the conclusion short and direct. Repeat the main problems and solutions instead of adding new general ideas about success and falling.
task response
You stay on the topic of self-employment and try to give solutions, such as planning work, building a team, and supporting workers.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, including “To begin with”, “Moreover”, and “In the conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Your main idea about planning and management is repeated clearly, so the reader can understand your central point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • financial instability
  • employment benefits
  • health insurance
  • paid leave
  • retirement funds
  • collaborative environment
  • support structures
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • brand establishment
  • client acquisition
  • marketing strategies
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