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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Parents should be responsible for their children's education rather than schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some people believe that
parents
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, rather than schools, should be primarily responsible for their
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children
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’s
education
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. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because
parents
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 have a strong influence on their
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children
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’s development.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason is that
parents
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 are their
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children
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’s first teachers. They teach them basic knowledge, good manners and important life skills.
In addition
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,
children
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 spend a lot of time at home, so
parents
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 have many opportunities to help them learn.
Children
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 can
also
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 feel more comfortable with their
parents
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, which makes learning more effective.
For example
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,
children
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 who receive support and
education
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 at home can become more confident and broad-minded.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that teachers cannot always pay attention to every student because classes are often large and lesson time is limited.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 should focus on their
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children
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’s individual needs and help them improve.
Although
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 supplementary
education
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 can be expensive,
parents
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 can spend more time supporting their
children
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 at home.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
parents
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 should take primary responsibility for their
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children
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’s
education
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 because they strongly influence their knowledge, skills and future development.

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task response
Make your main view even clearer by saying that parents should lead education, while schools still have an important part to play. This will make your answer more full and fair.
task response
Develop each main point more. For example, explain how parents can teach good habits every day, while schools can give expert help in subjects such as maths and science.
task response
Use a more specific example. Instead of saying that support at home makes children confident, show what a parent does, such as reading with a child each night or helping the child plan homework.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-paragraph plan is clear. To make the links stronger, use words such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “However” only when they show the exact link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the focus of the second body paragraph on why parents can meet each child’s needs. The point about the cost of extra classes is not fully linked, so explain it more or remove it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “important reason” and “parents should” too often. You can use “also”, “another point”, or “they” where the meaning is clear.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view through the whole essay.
task response
Your two main ideas are relevant: parents are first teachers, and they can give more personal help than teachers in large classes.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph starts with a clear main idea, and the conclusion brings your view back clearly.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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