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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmentalproblems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

It is often argued that the extinction of specific flora and fauna represents the primary ecological quandary of the modern era.
While
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 I acknowledge the gravity of biodiversity loss, I believe that global warming is a more fundamental threat that exacerbates all other environmental issues. Those who
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
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species
Use synonyms
 preservation argue that every organism plays a vital role in the biological equilibrium.
This
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 occurs because the extinction of a single
species
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 can trigger a "domino effect," potentially leading to the collapse of entire food chains.
For instance
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, the rapid decline of bee populations worldwide threatens global food security, as these insects are essential for the pollination of most human crops.
Therefore
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, many experts believe that protecting individual
species
Use synonyms
 is the most effective way to ensure the long-term survival of the planet's ecosystems.
However
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, I agree with those who contend that climate change is a far more urgent matter to tackle.
This
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 is because rising global temperatures act as a "threat multiplier" that causes widespread destruction across all habitats simultaneously. A clear illustration of
this
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 is the melting of polar ice caps;
this
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 single phenomenon does not just threaten one
species
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, but destroys the entire environment for thousands of animals
while
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 causing sea levels to rise globally. Ultimately, unless we alleviate the carbon crisis and initiate a shift toward green energy, any effort to save a particular animal will be temporary, as their natural homes will continue to disappear. In conclusion,
while
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 the loss of specific plants and animals is a tragedy that impacts the balance of nature, it is a symptom of the larger crisis of climate change. Ultimately, by addressing atmospheric pollution, we can protect the entire planet and its inhabitants more effectively.

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task response
Task response: The essay has a clear view. It talks about both sides and gives your own view. To be stronger, add a clear main claim in the start and end with a clear line that restates your view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Paragraphs are well linked with good linking words. Some sentences are long; split long lines into shorter ones so the text is easy to read.
structure
Clear view and plan
content
Good use of examples such as bees and ice caps
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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