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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasing early stage. Discuss the causes and some effects of the widespread drug use by young people. Give some recommendations that can be implemented.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
adolecents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 are
easier
Correct word choice
more likely
show examples
 to
taste
Verb problem
try
show examples
 both legal
Use synonyms
drugs
Check wording
apply
show examples
and illegal
drugs
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
cough
Use synonyms
sweet
Check wording
sweets
show examples
 and Crystal Meth. The reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 circumstance is hard to monitor
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 for the legal
drugs
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, the consequences
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 rising the
people
Check wording
number of people
show examples
 who are addicted
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
drugs
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Primarily, it is convenient to purchase
drugs
Use synonyms
 in the
phramacy
Correct your spelling
pharmacy
. In fact, the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people tend to buy
cough
Use synonyms
 mixtures in the drug store rather than
seeing
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 a doctor because of the expensive
consultant
Replace the word
consultation
 fees.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 a platform and excuse for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to overdose
the
Change preposition
on
show examples
cough
Use synonyms
sweet
Check wording
sweets
show examples
. As it is
dificult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to be identified by the owners of the
phramacy
Correct your spelling
pharmacy
 whether it is necessary to buy tcertain quantity of the legal
drugs
Use synonyms
 or not.
Body paragraph 2
Consequnently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, it is possible to increase the
Use synonyms
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
teenagers
Use synonyms
become
Correct pronoun usage
who become
show examples
 addicting on
drugs
Use synonyms
 as they can buy the legal
drugs
Use synonyms
 based on the obstacle mentioned before.
Due to
Linking Words
 the legal loophole, the market
provide a
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 risky
incetives
Correct your spelling
incentives
 to
teenagers
Use synonyms
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 to the surged
amount
Use synonyms
 of young drug takers.
Besides
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to spend plenty
social
Change preposition
of social
show examples
 resources and financial
aids
Check wording
aid
show examples
 to support these
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to get off
for the
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drugs
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 sending them to the
dormitary
Correct your spelling
dormitory
 to precept taking
drugs
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
Eventually, the government can limit the
amount
Use synonyms
 nd times of
purchaisng
Correct your spelling
purchasing
cough
Use synonyms
 sweet and paint thinner except for buyers with
reconized
Correct your spelling
recognised
 approval
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
qualificatin
Correct your spelling
qualification
 for construction workers and health care workers. It is effective to restrict
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to overdose legal
drugs
Use synonyms
 and
transfer
Wrong verb form
transferring
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
for gainning
Wrong verb form
to gain
show examples
 more money and diminish a platform for
adolecents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 to experience
drugs
Use synonyms
 .
Conclusion
In conclusion, I
convince
Wrong verb form
am convinced
show examples
 that the convenience of buying
drugs
Use synonyms
 in normal shops is one of the
dominent
Correct your spelling
dominant
 reasons to cause the
amount
Use synonyms
 of drug takers, cases of overdose and financial burden
t
Correct your spelling
to
 tackle the issue will climb in the
predictable
Correct word choice
foreseeable
show examples
 future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government should restrict the
purchaing
Correct your spelling
purchasing
amount
Use synonyms
Linking Words
besides
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
authorized
Change the spelling
authorised
show examples
 occupations.

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Task response
You answer all main parts: causes, effects, and advice. However, the essay mainly talks about legal drugs. Add more about illegal drugs, such as why young people try them and what harm they can cause.
Task response
Make each main idea more clear. For causes, you could add peer pressure, stress, family problems, and easy online access. For effects, explain harm to health, school work, family life, and crime.
Task response
Your example about cough medicine is useful, but it is not fully clear. Give one simple real-life example and explain how it supports your point.
Task response
Your advice is useful: limit sales of some legal drugs. Add other steps, such as school talks, help for parents, free health care, and early help for young people who use drugs.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and ending. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph: one cause, one effect, or one form of help.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a more natural way. For example: 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', 'For example', and 'Finally'. Do not use 'Eventually' when you mean your last main point.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Write shorter sentences. For example: 'Drug stores may sell cough medicine without asking why it is needed. This makes it easier for some teens to buy too much.'
Coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clear. After saying that medicine is easy to buy, explain directly that this can lead to overuse and then addiction.
Task response
You give a clear main cause: some legal drugs are easy for young people to buy.
Task response
You include effects such as addiction and the need for public money to help young people.
Task response
You give a direct government action: set limits on the amount people can buy.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphs for the opening, main ideas, advice, and conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Therefore', 'Consequently', and 'For instance' show that you are trying to connect your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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