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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some
people
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 believe that participating in
team
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sports
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such
Linking Words
 as football is more
beneficial
Punctuation problem
beneficial,
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while
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 others argue that individual
sports
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such
Linking Words
 as tennis or swimming offer greater advantages.
Although
Linking Words
 both types of
sports
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 have their own benefits
and
Correct word choice
,
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 I think that the best choice depends on a person’s interests, abilities and personality.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
team
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sports
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 provide valuable opportunities to develop teamwork and communication
skills
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. In football,
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
players
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 have different roles
such
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 as forwards, defenders and goalkeepers
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 they have to play together towards common goals. During a
match
Add a comma
match,
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 they learn to understand their teammates through their movements, reactions and voices.
Overtime
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Over time
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,
this
Linking Words
 can help
players
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 anticipate other
people
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’s actions and be aware of their emotions. These
skills
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 can
also
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 be useful in everyday life because the ability to understand and cooperate with others is important in family, workplace and society.
Therefore
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,
team
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sports
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 can help
people
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 develop strong interpersonal
skills
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, individual
sports
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 can develop independence, self-discipline and self-confidence.
For instance
Linking Words
, tennis
players
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 often have to make quick decisions and change their tactics depending on
opponent’s
Correct article usage
the opponent’s
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 actions. Unlike members of a
team
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, individual
players
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 cannot rely on teammates when they face difficulties.
As a result
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, they learn to take responsibility for their own decisions and performance.
Similarly
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,
sports
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such
Linking Words
 as swimming require regular practice and
high-level
Correct determiner usage
a high level
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 of self- discipline. These qualities help
people
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 become more decisive and responsible in other areas of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both
team
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 and individual
sports
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 can be highly beneficial.
Team
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sports
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 develop communication and cooperation
skills
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 individual
sports
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 encourage independence and self-discipline. In my opinion, neither type is necessarily better
the
Correct word choice
than the
show examples
 other
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
people
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 can choose a sport
according to
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 their interest and ability.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why choice by interest, ability, and personality is the best way to choose a sport.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: team sports build work with others, while solo sports build self-control. Add one more real or clear example for each side to make the points feel more full.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, team sports, solo sports, and end. Each main part has one clear focus, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use links between some ideas in a more natural way. For example, after the football example, you can directly say how this helps at work or at home before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Check small form issues that can slow the reader: write "Over time" as two words, use "a high level of self-discipline," and write "better than the other" in the last paragraph.
task response
You answer all parts of the question. You explain the good points of both team and solo sports and give a fair personal view.
task response
The football, tennis, and swimming examples are relevant and help explain your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will cover, and the ending brings the main ideas together well.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "For instance," and "As a result" help the reader follow your points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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