IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is often said that
people
Use synonyms
 benefit from team games
such
Linking Words
 as football more than individual
sports
Use synonyms
 like tennis.
However
Linking Words
, the issue is not straightforward, and arguments can
also
Linking Words
 be made against the opinion. The essay will discuss the debate and give
concluding
Correct article usage
a concluding
show examples
 view.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who play in teams have various benefits.
For example
Linking Words
, football players distinguish between the mini teams, and every team is responsible for their work
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as forwards, defenders and a goalkeeper. When they are playing, they feel each other for their movement, voice and other things. Players know the other’s actions from
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 movements.
This
Linking Words
 helps
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 their life to understand
people
Use synonyms
’s actions before they tell. Another part of
this
Linking Words
 is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 members feel and understand each other’s emotions,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 helps them in family, society and in
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 environment.
Body paragraph 2
By contrast
Linking Words
, opponents of
this
Linking Words
view
Check wording
viewpoint
show examples
 point out that individual
sports
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
. That
also
Linking Words
 makes sense
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, if you play tennis or
swim
Punctuation problem
swim,
show examples
 you have to
take
Verb problem
make a
show examples
 decision
briefly
Rephrase
more quickly
show examples
 than
competitor
Correct determiner usage
your competitor
show examples
 and
easy
Rephrase
easily
show examples
 change tactics of the game. It is logical
to conclude
Linking Words
 that individual sport
strength
Replace the word
strengthens
 confidence and self-discipline.
Finally
Linking Words
, individual
sports
Use synonyms
 help
people
Use synonyms
 become decisive and responsible for their lives.
Such
Linking Words
 kinds of characters always help in their
way
Correct word choice
own way
show examples
.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, it seems advisable
some
Correct word choice
that some
show examples
 type of
sports
Use synonyms
 individual or in
teams
Punctuation problem
teams,
show examples
 are more beneficial for
people
Use synonyms
. It should be based on
people
Use synonyms
’s interests and
ability
Check wording
abilities
show examples
.

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task response
You discuss both team sports and solo sports, and you give your own view. However, your view is not clear enough. Say more clearly which type you think is better, or say that both are good for different people.
task response
Your main ideas are useful, but some need more support. For team sports, explain how working with others can help at school, at work, or at home. For solo sports, explain how making all the choices can build self-control and trust in yourself.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. For example, a football player may learn to pass at the right time, while a swimmer may learn to train alone every day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, team sports, solo sports, and end. This is good. Make the first and last parts more direct and clear.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because the links between them are weak. Use simple link words such as 'For example', 'Also', 'Because of this', 'However', and 'As a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. In the team sports part, first talk about working with others, then give one example, then explain why it helps in life.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are unclear, such as 'they feel each other for their movement' and 'take decision briefly than competitor'. Use short, clear lines: 'They learn to read their team mates' moves.' 'They must make fast choices.'
task response
You answer all parts of the question by looking at both kinds of sport and giving a final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph breaks and useful signposts such as 'On the one hand', 'By contrast', and 'Overall'.
task response
You choose fitting examples, including football, tennis, and swimming.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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