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Band 7

The chart bellow shows the percentage of car trips by purpose and genders in 2015.

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The chart bellow shows the percentage of car trips by purpose and genders in 2015.
The given bar chart illustrates the estimated
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
car
Use synonyms
 trips
according to
Linking Words
 the purpose of the trip and the gender of the drivers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority of
car
Use synonyms
 trips happened commuting from home to work, for both
men
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 and
women
Use synonyms
, even though
men
Use synonyms
's
percentage
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 is
bigger
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the smallest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 drove to town for a visit,
whereas
Linking Words
 the smallest number of
men
Use synonyms
 used their
car
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 to run errands and to go to the
bank
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. Looking first at
women
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's data, commuting to work accounted for the largest figure, standing at 40%,
while
Linking Words
 shopping, that rappresented the second biggest
percentage
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, stands at around 18%. Courses were
also
Linking Words
 significant, at around 12%,
whereas
Linking Words
 all the remaining categories - visiting town,
bank
Use synonyms
, running errands, visiting friends and recreation- are not over 10% each. The smallest
percentage
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 of
women
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 drove to reach the
bank
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, at around 3%. Turning to
men
Use synonyms
's figures, more than 50% of them used their
car
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 to work,
whereas
Linking Words
 only 11% used their
car
Use synonyms
 for recreational purposes. All the other categories together accounted for less than 40%. Running errands and going to the
bank
Use synonyms
rappresented
Correct your spelling
represented
 the smallest figures, both standing at around 3%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, car, men, women, bank with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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