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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The escalating number of obese individuals burdening the healthcare system in an effort to deal with the health complications involved has become a controversial topic. Many people argue that introducing more physical
education
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lessons
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 in the
school
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 curriculum is the best way to solve the problem,
while
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 others hold opposing views. As far as I am concerned, I strongly disagree with the former claim.
This
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 essay will present my viewpoint and opinions.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I believe that implementing more physical
education
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 classes in the
education
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 system will not automatically lead to a decline in the population's
obesity
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 rate, since external factors
such
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 as diet and daily routines will not be taken into account.
For example
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,
although
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students
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 may engage in higher levels of physical activity at
school
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, their unhealthy eating habits outside
school
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 may remain unchanged.
Moreover
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,
obesity
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 can be a hereditary trait, which means that some aspects are fundamentally unalterable
due to
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 genetics.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, whether
students
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 are physically active beyond the classroom is outside the
school
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's control. Since
students
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 come from different families with varying lifestyles, there is no guarantee that all of them will adopt habits that are beneficial for their health. With that said, fully addressing the issue of
obesity
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 requires utmost cooperation between educational institutions, families, and healthcare providers.
Body paragraph 3
Additionally
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, physical
education
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lessons
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 may not be effective for every student, as a minority may have medical conditions,
such
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 as asthma, that limit their ability to participate in high-impact exercises.
Therefore
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, simply increasing the amount of time allocated to physical
education
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lessons
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 will not ensure that
students
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 develop health-conscious habits in the long run.
Conclusion
To
summarize
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summarise
show examples
, I reject the idea that increasing the number of physical
education
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lessons
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 is the most effective way to tackle
obesity
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, as unhealthy dietary patterns, lifestyles, and biological factors
also
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 play significant roles in
this
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 issue.

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Task response
Your view is clear: more PE at school is not the best answer. To make it stronger, explain what should be done instead, such as food lessons, help for parents, and health checks. This would answer the “best way” part more fully.
Task response
The point about genes needs more care. Genes can raise the risk of being overweight, but they do not mean that change is not possible. Say that genes may make weight control harder, rather than saying the problem cannot be changed.
Task response
Your school and family point is useful. Add one clear real-life example: a child may have PE twice a week but still eat fast food and drink sweet drinks every day at home.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body, and end. Each body paragraph has one main point, so it is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
The second and third body paragraphs are close in meaning because both say PE may not work for all students. You could join them, then use a new paragraph to explain a wider plan with schools, homes, and health care.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job. “Moreover” and “Furthermore” work well, but “With that said” is less direct here. Try “Therefore” or “For this reason” to show the result of the point before it.
Task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from the first paragraph to the final paragraph.
Task response
You give several relevant reasons: food, home life, genes, and health needs. These show that obesity has more than one cause.
Coherence and cohesion
Your opening gives the topic and your view, while your final paragraph clearly restates the main reason for your view.
Coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear: limits of school PE, the role of family life, and the needs of some students.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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