IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that there are various reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason which gives motivation. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays ,
people
Use synonyms
 have different opinions about many important issues
, some
Punctuation problem
. Some
show examples
people
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 would love the idea of working for the same company for years and having the same routine
everyday
Rephrase
every day
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.
While
Linking Words
,
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apply
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others disagree with the statement and believe that it mostly depends on the
money
Correct your spelling
income
in-come
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 , I understand both sides and see their point of view for several important
reason's
Check wording
reasons
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Body paragraph 1
I believe that
people
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likes
Correct subject-verb agreement
like
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 to move differently in life.
In
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From
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 my perspective i believe that
people
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 who
would
Verb problem
apply
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work
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 in the same company for long years are quite
introvert's
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introverted
 and don't like to have new experience's nor trying new
thing's
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things
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 in life. I lowkey see it as a flaw , because when are you going to be brave and face the world ?
people
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 only get to live once
and
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, and
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 if a person
are
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is
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 terrified to use that power i'd automatically assume they're scared of many
experience's
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experiences
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 in life
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 ,
i
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I
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 agree with the statement that money does give motivation. Because
i
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I
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 believe it has more
up's
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ups
 than
down's
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downs
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,
they're
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there
 are several
reason's
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reasons
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 that support my opinion.
Therefore
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
,
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 having a good
Use synonyms
in-come
Correct your spelling
income
 motivates the individual to
work
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 harder.
However
Linking Words
 , the
work
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 environment
play's
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a big role
,
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;
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 if the individual has
a
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apply
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positive
energy
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energy,
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 they'd most likely love showing up to
work
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 and
enjoy's
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enjoy
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 their time there
, meanwhile
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. Meanwhile,
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 if the
work
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 society has a negative impact on the workers .
every
Capitalize the word
Every
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 worker would quit ,
Not
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not
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 a good energy nor an excellent
Use synonyms
in-come
Correct your spelling
income
?
i'd
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I'd
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perosnally
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personally
 quit
Conclusion
In the end , you have to be strong enough to handle the
work
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's
challange's
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challenges
or
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, or
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 you wouldn't handle the pressure
, In
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. From
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 my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 money gives
an
Correct article usage
apply
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incredible motivation. Because seriously
if
Punctuation problem
, if
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 you have a low
Use synonyms
in-come
Correct your spelling
income
, would you love
you're
Correct determiner usage
your
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work
Use synonyms
 ethic ?
No
Punctuation problem
No,
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 you'd be showing up
everyday
Rephrase
every day
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 with a frown.

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task response
Give one clear answer in the first part. You say you understand both sides, but later you mainly say money is most important. State this clearly and keep the same view in all parts.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain why money helps people stay, such as helping with rent, food, or family needs. Then explain why a good work place can also make people stay.
task response
Avoid broad ideas about people who stay in one company. Saying they are scared or do not want new things is not always true. Use fair, clear reasons instead, such as job safety, friends at work, or chances to move up.
task response
Add one or two real, simple examples. For example, a worker may stay because the company pays well and gives time off, while another may leave a well-paid job because the work place is not kind.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: first part with your answer, one body part about money, one body part about other reasons, and a final part that repeats your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. The first body part moves from staying in one company to being introvert and scared. This makes the point hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the path of your ideas: “First,” “For example,” “However,” and “As a result.” Do not start many sentences with “I believe.”
coherence and cohesion
Write in a more formal way. Do not use words such as “lowkey,” direct questions, or “seriously.” These make the essay sound like speech, not an academic essay.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and word use so the meaning is clear. For example, write “people like to live differently,” “the work environment plays a big role,” and “their work ethic,” not “you’re work ethic.”
task response
You discuss both money and the work environment, so you show that you understand more than one reason why people may stay in a job.
task response
Your view is clear near the end: money can strongly push people to work harder and stay in a job.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a beginning, body paragraphs, and an ending, which gives it a basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “On the other hand,” “However,” and “In the end,” to move between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • motivation
  • job satisfaction
  • personal fulfillment
  • career development
  • growth opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • training
  • promotions
  • positive work environment
  • supportive management
  • good relationships
  • colleagues
  • benefits
  • perks
  • health insurance
  • retirement plans
  • flexible working hours
  • company culture
  • values
  • recognition
  • rewards
  • job security
  • stability
  • economic uncertainty
  • employee loyalty
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