IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

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Introduction
In various
region
Fix the agreement mistake
regions
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 of
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States, teenagers are prohibited from leaving their
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 during late
hours
Use synonyms
 alone, unless they are accompanied by an elder. I firmly stand with
this
Linking Words
 regulation, and
i
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I
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 will elaborate on my views in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is a
well known
Correct your spelling
well-known
 fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 streets are unsafe for
adolscent aged
Correct your spelling
adolescent-aged
 kids during midnight
hours
Use synonyms
, as a person at
this
Linking Words
 age is not fully aware of
,
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apply
show examples
the dangers that lie ahead. The supervision from an adult can be a good measure for avoiding unwanted circumstances.
For instance
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,
An
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an
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 adult can be a shield
,
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;
show examples
 if a teenager runs into
a
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apply
show examples
bad company,
this
Linking Words
 protection comes through the life experience , which they have from the incidents they
had
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have
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 faced in past.
Moreover
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, the newspapers are daily filled with the tragic events
,
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apply
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 involving teenagers during the
late night
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late-night
hours
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. It is good for a young fella to have a mature person as a guide during
this
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 period.
Body paragraph 2
Adding
further
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is the period of a day, when younger people have
more
Correct word choice
a greater
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 tendency to join bad company, as compared to other
time
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times
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 of the day. It is evident
,
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apply
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 that during
this
Linking Words
 time parties and drag races are organised, so in order to prevent the innocent
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
 from being a part of
this
Linking Words
 culture, they should never be allowed to go on
streets
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the streets
show examples
 on their own.
For example
Linking Words
, the events mentioned above lead to substance abuse
,
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apply
show examples
 and rash driving
,
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;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 , the presence of a caretaker becomes
the neccessity
Replace the word
necessary
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the curfew imposed on teenagers during night
hours
Use synonyms
,
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apply
show examples
 is
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
decsion
Correct your spelling
decision
taken by the
authorites
Correct your spelling
authorities
 in
U.S
Correct article usage
the U.S
show examples
 .

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task response
Your view is clear: you support the curfew. To make the answer stronger, explain why this rule should apply in all cases, and also say that it should not stop safe, important trips, such as going home from work or school.
task response
Your main ideas are safety and bad groups. These ideas fit the question, but they are quite close. Add a different reason, such as helping young people sleep, study, or stay away from crime.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Instead of saying that papers are full of bad events, give one short example of how an adult can help a young person get home safely after a late event.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each main part begin with one short, clear idea sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have many commas. Break them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas in a more natural way. Use simple links such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In the end”. Do not use “Adding further”, as it sounds less natural here.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match the main parts. Sum up both safety and the need for adult help, then state your view again in one clear final sentence.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly show that you agree with the rule.
task response
You give reasons that are linked to the topic, including safety, bad groups, drugs, and unsafe driving.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are put into clear paragraphs, with one main topic in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “To begin with”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • enforce
  • juvenile
  • repercussions
  • autonomy
  • adolescence
  • paternalistic
  • delinquency
  • municipality
  • ordinance
  • authoritarian
  • peer pressure
  • social dynamics
  • civil liberties
  • community policing
  • preventative measures
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