IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet. How accurate is this statement? Are there any other bigger threats to mankind?

It is argued that the global
climate
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 shift is the greatest peril we have ever faced.
This
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 essay will argue that
this
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 is not accurate because of other greater natural threats,
whereas
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 nuclear weapons and wars could wipe out life today.
Climate
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change
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 is not the most serious
threat
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 because there are many other dangers that we need to be more wary of. Sudden natural disasters
such
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 as earthquakes, volcanoes, or meteorite impacts can wipe out life more quickly and comprehensively than
climate
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change
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.
For example
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, on December 26, 2004, a massive 9.1-magnitude undersea earthquake struck off the coast of Indonesia. The earthquake triggered massive tsunamis that swept across 14 countries.
As a result
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, more than 230,000 people died in just a few hours.
This
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 event illustrates that a sudden natural disaster can wipe out hundreds of thousands of people in a single day, an effect much more rapid than
climate
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change
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. A much bigger
threat
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 to mankind is the
threat
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 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
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nuclear war. The
threat
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 of a nuclear war or the use of weapons of mass destruction could end the lives of millions of people in an instant and leave devastating radioactive effects for centuries.
For instance
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, researchers at Rutgers University conducted a study using
climate
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 simulation models to examine a limited nuclear war between India and Pakistan. They predicted massive smoke from nuclear fires would block sunlight, lowering global temperatures by 2–5°C.
This
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 would devastate agriculture, collapse food supply chains, and cause hundreds of millions of deaths in the following years
—
Punctuation problem
,
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not only from explosions but
also
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 from widespread “nuclear starvation”. In conclusion,
climate
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change
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 is dangerous, but sudden natural disasters and nuclear wars are far greater threats that can end millions of lives instantly.

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task response
Task response: The essay has a clear aim, but the idea could be clearer in the intro. It would help to state what you will show in the essay and to keep to that aim in all paragraphs.
task response
Task response: Add more strong facts or ideas for each point. Explain why the points matter to the claim that climate change is not the biggest threat.
coherence
Coherence: The text has a simple structure, but link two parts more smoothly. Use clear words that tell the reader how ideas fit.
coherence
Coherence: Make each paragraph have one main idea, and start with a topic sentence.
structure
Clear order: intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
examples
Use of real examples: 2004 tsunami and nuclear study makes points easy to see.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecosystems
  • natural disasters
  • rising sea levels
  • endangerment of species
  • economic implications
  • fishery yields
  • climate change
  • disaster recovery
  • infectious diseases
  • air and water pollution
  • nuclear war
  • pandemics
  • artificial intelligence
  • scope
  • pervasive impact
  • exacerbate
  • resource scarcity
  • disease outbreaks
  • territorial disputes
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