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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the results of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting tha main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the results of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting tha main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given logical table illustrates the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
 the Ashdown Museum before and after its modification,
while
Linking Words
 the
decripitve
Correct your spelling
descriptive
 pie charts show the satisfaction
level
Use synonyms
 of the
visitors
Use synonyms
,
according to
Linking Words
 a survey conducted
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 during the same two periods. The satisfaction
level
Use synonyms
 is given by percentages. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that the authority was able to increase
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
,
as a result
Linking Words
 of the changes during the
year
Use synonyms
 after additions. Apart from that,
visitors
Use synonyms
' satisfaction
level
Use synonyms
 increased
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
remarkably,
year
Use synonyms
 after the refurbishment.
To begin
Linking Words
, the total number of enthusiasts stood at 74,000 before the changes, and it increased magnificently
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 during the
year
Use synonyms
 after the
convertion
Correct your spelling
conversion
. More importantly,
visitors
Use synonyms
 increased from 74,000 to 92,000, which was the greatest achievement. Moving on to the pie chart comparison,
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 before the construction
undergone
Wrong verb form
was undertaken
show examples
,
Use synonyms
visitors
Check wording
visitors'
show examples
 dissatisfaction
level
Use synonyms
 averaged at 40, which accounted for the highest proportion,
while
Linking Words
satisfied
Replace the word
the satisfaction
level
Use synonyms
 amounted
10
Change preposition
to 10
show examples
 lower than
it
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
. More interestingly, after the modification,
popularity
Correct article usage
the popularity
show examples
 of the museum increased to 40, reporting a remarkable decrease in
unflavourable
Correct word choice
unfavourable
show examples
 percentage, from 40 to 15. On
ther
Correct your spelling
the
 other hand, very satisfied individuals rose from 15 to 35, recording a two-fold development after the
modernization
Change the spelling
modernisation
show examples
. More pathetically,
non responded
Replace the word
non-responding
 users
reamained unchange
Correct your spelling
remained unchanged
 over the considered two time
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
. More interestingly, very dissatisfied individuals
inclined
Verb problem
declined
show examples
 from 10 to 5 during the
year
Use synonyms
 after changes, reporting a two times decrease compared to the previous period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, level, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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