IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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Human bodies need to
rest
 after working many
hours
.
Due to
 the body limitation, people can not
work
 every day. By many articles and research, it has been understood we have to
work
 much less during the week. In
this
 essay we will talk about why having a longer weekend is really important for humans
then
 I will give my opinion about
this
 subject.
Firstly
, we have to know why people
work
.
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
 many aspects, we can understand everybody needs to earn money
for living
Change preposition
to live
show examples
.
However
, in companies or job places, we need higher efficiency by workers to have good
results
. If workers can not do their jobs with high quality and motivation, companies will not receive specific
results
.
Then
, to solve
this
 issue, managers have researched
this
 subject. Statistically, in many job positions, working more than 4
days
 a week decreases
work
 efficiency impressively.
For example
, teachers should not teach more than their body ability. They have to take a
rest
 for at least three
days
 to recover themselves to study again for a new week. Taking
rest
 enough
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 increases the gain rocket.
Secondly
, working the same
hours
 on more
days
 does not have good
results
.
For instance
, Iran's government researched
work
hours
 for workers. They understood that working man
hours
 per day except working the same
hours
 on more
days
 has better
results
.
For example
, if we do something forty
hours
 in four
days
 is better than working forty
hours
 in six
days
. Doing self-care at weekends makes individuals feel efficient after many months.
Overall
, by these examples
it is clear that
 having longer weekend make individuals feel better
then
 it will have special
results
 for companies and managers. In my opinion, we have to focus on our jobs and ourselves because we have to separate both sides of our lives and we have to take care of our bodies to rebuild energy efficiency for the
rest
 of our lives.
Submitted by sarvin.rahimi9898 on

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coherence cohesion
Clarify the connection between points in your paragraphs to improve coherence.
task achievement
Ensure all main points are fully developed and supported with detailed examples or explanations.
task achievement
Aim to have a more balanced structure in argument presentation. Consider exploring the opposing viewpoint briefly to create a well-rounded essay.
coherence cohesion
Good organization with a clear introductory and concluding section.
task achievement
The essay presents some relevant examples to support ideas.
coherence cohesion
The overall flow of the essay is logical, making it easy to follow the writer's reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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