IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, life has become more stressful than it has ever been. As a consequence, more and more people are suffering from stress-related problems. What factors are contributing to this increase and what do you think can be done to overcome the current problem.

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Introduction
In these few
years
Use synonyms
, more and more people
fell
Verb problem
feel
show examples
 more stressful expecially young people.
Body paragraph 1
There
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 so many stress-related problems in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
start
Change preposition
at the start
show examples
term
Check wording
apply
show examples
of student life
there
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
 are heave study, homework,
exam
Correct word choice
and exam
show examples
 problems. The development of society demands talents.
This
Linking Words
 forces
students
Use synonyms
 to spend
modt
Correct your spelling
most
 of their time on their studies even though
ignore
Correct pronoun usage
they ignore
show examples
 about physically and
mentally healthy
Replace the word
mental health
.
Linking Words
this
Capitalize the word
This
show examples
 will impress the development of
students
Use synonyms
. They have no time to try other subjects
or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are
interesting
Replace the word
interested
 in
thing
Check wording
something
show examples
. Some
students
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talent in art, sports or
others
Check wording
other areas
show examples
. The
stresssful
Correct your spelling
stress
 of
study
Replace the word
studying
 will kill
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 talent.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, so many stressful are push on university
student
Check wording
students
show examples
,
expecial
Replace the word
especially
 these
years
Use synonyms
. With the instability of the world, intense
job
Use synonyms
 competition,
job
Use synonyms
vacancie
Correct your spelling
vacancies
, or situations where the positions do not match one's own abilities, etc
..
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 College
students
Use synonyms
 are gradually falling into the predicament of being unemployed right
dfter
Correct your spelling
after
 graduation.
Body paragraph 3
Thirdly
Linking Words
, the pressure of the working
envitonment
Correct your spelling
environment
 still influence adult. That situation
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 adult support
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 pressure
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life.
For example
Linking Words
, the
gaverment
Correct your spelling
government
 told company employe young people
make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 sure
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have a
job
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 company the recruitment requirements are extremely unreasonable.
Such
Linking Words
 as, under 30
years
Use synonyms
 old, with a bachelor's degree and 10
years
Use synonyms
 of working experience. That's impossible for
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
wooker
Correct your spelling
worker
.
Then
Linking Words
, some
recruiment
Correct your spelling
recruitment
 websites, in an attempt to make
monet
Correct your spelling
money
, deliberately hide the relevant
infotmation
Correct your spelling
information
 of suitable companies and
job
Use synonyms
 seekers.
Conclusion
Finally
Linking Words
, in my
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 the government should
optimize
Change the spelling
optimise
show examples
 the education system and
standardize
Change the spelling
standardise
show examples
 the recruitment process of enterprises
n
Correct your spelling
in
 order to alleviate the pressure of studies and employment
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in
tnat
Correct your spelling
that
case
Punctuation problem
case,
show examples
 I think
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
show examples
 be done to overcome the current problem.

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. You name many causes, but the ways to fix the problem are very short. Add one full body part about help, such as less school work, free health help, fair job rules, and work hours that are not too long.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. Choose two or three key causes, not many small points. For each cause, say why it leads to stress and give one clear example.
task response
Your ideas about study stress, job stress, and unfair job needs are on topic. Make the link to stress more direct. For example, say that fear of exams or not finding work can cause worry, poor sleep, and low mood.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: an opening that answers the question, one part on causes, one part on ways to help, and a short ending. Your last part has a good idea, but it is too brief to work as a full ending.
coherence and cohesion
Start each part with one clear main sentence. Then add reasons and an example. This will help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words with care: 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'Finally'. Some links now do not make the order of ideas clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one point in each sentence. Some sentences are too long and have many ideas, so they are hard to read. Split them into two or three short sentences.
task response
You give real and relevant causes of stress, such as hard study, exams, job competition, and pressure at work.
task response
The example of young people facing hard job needs is useful and helps show why finding work can be stressful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear order words such as 'On the other hand', 'Thirdly', and 'Finally', so the reader can see that you are moving to a new point.
coherence and cohesion
You try to end with a clear view about what the government can do, which is a good way to address the question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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