Some people think competitions inside and outside of school are necessary for children to prepare for their future. Others think it's bad . Discuss both views and state your opinion.

It is argued that
children
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should participate in competitive programs both inside and outside school to prepare for the future, as it helps them develop important skills from a young
age
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and become socially active.
However
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, some people believe that
such
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competitions
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can negatively affect
children
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’s mental health
due to
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the
pressure
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to win. I agree that
children
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should take part in
competitions
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. Students who engage in extracurricular activities tend to have a better future because they learn new skills that are essential for real-world tasks. They become more confident and capable as they gain valuable experience.
For example
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,
children
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who are involved in leadership programs from an early
age
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are more likely to secure higher positions at work because they already understand how to lead a team.
This
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becomes a strong point in their resume when applying for jobs.
Similarly
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, young people who participate actively in social activities find it easier to communicate professionally with others.
On the other hand
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, some argue that involving
children
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in
competitions
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from a young
age
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can harm their mental well-being because of the
pressure
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to succeed. Since
children
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’s minds are still developing, they may feel hurt by failures.
This
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can negatively affect their confidence, and they may consider themselves losers, leading to long-term demotivation.
However
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, I believe
this
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issue can be addressed by teaching
children
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to stay calm and by ensuring that parents and teachers do not put excessive
pressure
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on them. In conclusion,
although
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competitions
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may have some negative effects on young
children
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, these issues can be prevented by reducing
pressure
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. I strongly agree that participating in skill-building activities from an early
age
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helps
children
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develop a better future, as they learn to handle real-world challenges and improve their social skills.

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task achievement
Give more clear proof for each idea with real examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use more small linking words to show how ideas fit each other.
structure
Start with a small plan and finish by restating your idea in a short way.
task response
The view is clear and the plan is seen.
coherence
The 'on the other hand' and 'in conclusion' show good idea links.
structure
There is a clear start and end.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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