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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside for children is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places for children to grow up?

In recent years, it is extremely vital for
children
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 to grow up well. Some groups of people think that
children
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 have to live in the urban area for their betterment.
While
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 others think that the rural area is more convenient for a child for their upbringing. Both views have their own merits and demerits which I will explain with related examples in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, there are several benefits of living in the city for
children
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. First and foremost, youngsters can get various kinds of facilities around them.
Therefore
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, they will achieve success in their lives
due to
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 the easy availability of everything.
For example
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
metropolitan
areas
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,
children
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 can get admission
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international schools.
As a result
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, they will learn different things which will help them to build their career.
However
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, the fast-paced lifestyle of urban
areas
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 can convert a child into an introverted personality.
On the other hand
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, the countryside has its own pros for
children
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. The predominant advantage is that in
the
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apply
show examples
rural
areas
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, youngsters get fresh air because of less pollution in the air.
For instance
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, a study by the University of Waterloo mentioned that 60% of
children
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 have good health who are residing in the countryside area compared to the city.
However
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, the major drawback of the village is that the child is not able to connect with various types of technology and advancement which can help him or her to grow in the future.
To conclude
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, the lifestyle of rural and city
areas
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 both have advantages and disadvantages for
children
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.
Therefore
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, youngsters have to decide wisely where they have to live
according to
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 their situation and needs.

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task achievement
Work on making your main points clearer and more fully developed, particularly in the section comparing urban and rural living. This will help create a stronger argument throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider enhancing the transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of your writing. Clearer connections between points can help in developing coherence.
positive
The essay presents a well-structured argument with distinct paragraphs for each viewpoint, which aids the reader's understanding.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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