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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many elder people are no long look after their families but are put in care home and nursing homes.What are advantages and disadvantages of this .

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Introduction
In the modern era, remote working has become increasingly popular, with many organisations offering staff the flexibility to choose where they
work
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.
While
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 some believe that working from home offers numerous benefits for employees and their families, others argue that it can lead to increased stress. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, remote
work
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 offers personnel the opportunity to save time, especially for those with families.
This
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 flexibility allows workers to better balance their professional and personal lives.
Moreover
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, by eliminating the need for commuting, workers can reduce both stress and expenses, ultimately leading to increased productivity.
Additionally
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,
remote
Correct article usage
a remote
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 job can offer a more comfortable and personal
work
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 environment, which can be conducive to improved mental health. Employers,
however
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, must remain vigilant about their employees' well-being and should foster an environment where workers feel supported and connected,
thus
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 preventing feelings of isolation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some individuals find it difficult to separate
work
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 from home life, which can result in inefficiency and burnout. Without clear boundaries, it becomes challenging to "switch off" from
job
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work
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, and individuals may find themselves working longer hours.
Furthermore
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, the lack of face-to-face interaction with colleagues can contribute to loneliness and negatively impact mental health. Despite the ability to connect via the internet, real-time conversations provide a richer experience, allowing for better communication and stronger personal connections.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both working from home and the office offer distinct advantages and challenges. Remote
work
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 allows for better
work
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-life balance and cost savings,
while
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 in-office
work
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 promotes social interaction and can boost productivity. Ultimately, the choice between the two depends on individual preferences, priorities, and the nature of the
work
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 involved.

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task response
Your essay answers a different question. The task is about older people living in care homes, but your essay is about working from home. Read the question again and make sure every main point is about older people, their families, and care homes.
task response
For this task, explain both good and bad sides. Good sides may include full-time care, medical help, safety, and less pressure on family members. Bad sides may include high cost, loneliness, and less time with family.
task response
Give clear, real examples. For example, an older person with a serious health problem may get fast help in a nursing home. However, a person may feel sad if family visits are not often.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and an ending. Keep this shape when you write about the given topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear order, and linking words such as “On one hand”, “Moreover”, and “Furthermore” help the reader. Use the same clear links in your next essay, but connect them to the exact question.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match the question. Your ending should state your view on care homes and sum up the main good and bad points, rather than talk about home and office work.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly says that you will look at both sides and give your view.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear main idea, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
task response
The points about time, stress, family life, and loneliness are clear and well explained, even though they do not answer the topic given.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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