IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ome people say that only reason for learning a foriegn language is inorder to travel to or work in a foreign country.Others says that these are not the only reason why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion?

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Introduction
It is
quite
Rephrase
well
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 known that some people are interested in learning a
foriegn
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foreign
language
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,
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.
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Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 people have different
concluion's
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conclusions
 about the reasons
'
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apply
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why?' , some see it as a hobby. Meanwhile , some learn it
in-
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in order
order
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 of
traveling
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travelling
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.
Body paragraph 1
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective ,
i
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I
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 don't believe '
traveling
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travelling
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' is the only
reason
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 someone is learning a
language
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.
In
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For
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example
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example,
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there's
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there are
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 many reasons
and
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, and
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 one of them
are
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is
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 'Refugees' some individual's are often forced to learn a
foriegn
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foreign
language
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 in
order
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 to
comminucate
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communicate
, study , getting a job.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 a medical service , if a refugee can't
comminucate
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communicate
 in the
country
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country's
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 native
tongue
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tongue,
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 they wouldn't get the medical care they desire.
Linking Words
Moreover
Punctuation problem
Moreover,
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 another
reason
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,
Verb problem
is
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 Hobby. Some of us
has
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have
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 an interest
about
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in
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 being a native speaker in many
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language's
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languages
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
 ,
me
Correct pronoun usage
I
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 personally
im
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am
 very interested in learning different
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language's
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languages
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, despite my interest i never really stick to it. I always forget about it or delay it for later , which is a flaw of mine. I definitely find people who speak more than 3
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language's
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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 are intelligent. Because their mind can handle all of that.
Additional
Correct article usage
An additional
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reason
Use synonyms
 is working in
different
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a different
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 country
,
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.
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 In
order
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 to communicate with the company owner or interviwer you have to
talk
Verb problem
speak
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 their
language
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 ,
But me
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apply
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personally i find it really rare to not find an
Use synonyms
english
Capitalize the proper name
English
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 speaker nowadays. Nowadays
english
Use synonyms
 is the global
language
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
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its
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it's
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 pretty normal to find workers in the same company speaking
Use synonyms
english
Capitalize the proper name
English
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.
Conclusion
In the end , I believe that either
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 or working
are
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is
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 not the only
reason
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 to learn a langauge , my point of view is
: Refugees
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that refugees, hobbies
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,
Hobby
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apply
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and
Linking Words
as well as traveling
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travelling
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 and working , But in
the
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a
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 working
society
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society,
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 i dont believe that you have to learn the
country
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country's
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language
Use synonyms
 in
order
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 to work.
English
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 is the global
language
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the owner should speak
Use synonyms
english
Capitalize the proper name
English
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 in
order
Use synonyms
 to communicate with their
co-worker's
Check wording
co-workers
show examples
.

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task response
Discuss both views more fully. Explain why travel and work can be strong reasons, then explain why other reasons also matter. Your own view should be clear from the start and stay the same.
task response
Use fewer personal details, such as saying that you delay language study. Add clear, general examples instead, such as people learning a language to study, join a new place, or enjoy books and films.
task response
Be careful with your last point about work. Saying that an owner should speak English is too strong. It is better to say that English may help in some jobs, but the local language is often still needed.
coherence and cohesion
Make the plan clearer: first paragraph for travel and work, second paragraph for other reasons, then a short final paragraph with your view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with one clear main idea. Keep all sentences in that paragraph linked to that idea. The paragraph about your own study habits moves away from the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, “Also”, and “In conclusion”. Do not repeat “nowadays” or “me personally” many times.
task response
You give a clear view that travel and work are not the only reasons to learn a language.
task response
You include useful other reasons, such as helping refugees, study, medical care, and hobbies.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, main body ideas, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You try to connect ideas with words such as “However”, “Therefore”, and “Moreover”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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