IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that reading stories from e book is better than watching TV or playing computer games for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The provided topic show's an information about two
opinion's
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opinions
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and
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, and
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 which one
do i
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I
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 agree with
,
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.
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 I'm only here to
summerize
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summarise
 my point of view
only
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apply
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, without showing
offense
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offence
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 to either statement's
Body paragraph 1
In
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From
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 my perspective ,
i
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I
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 don't agree that
books
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 are a type of
entertainment
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 that could make you forget about boredom. Yes i do believe that
books
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is
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are
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 a form of reaching for information or studies , But never agree that it's a state of '
entertainment
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'. I never found
books
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 amusing or something that
i
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I
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 would look for when
i'm
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I'm
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 bored. Even
newspaper
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the newspaper
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 , I understand that
its
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it's
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 something that elders enjoy. But nowadays
gen
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, gen
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? Never. It's even
rare
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rarer
 to find a newspaper shop
while
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 walking down the street.
Body paragraph 2
However
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 ,
TV
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Linking Words
on
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, on
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 the other hand. New gen definitely
enjoy
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enjoys
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TV
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 , it's a sort of technology
but
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, but
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 people would definitely enjoy
IPhone's
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iPhones
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 and
IPad's
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iPads
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 more often ,
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However
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apply
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running to
TV
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 when bored is not as bad as it may seem.
Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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TV
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 is way more advanced than the older
one's
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ones
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,
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.
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 Now it has
;
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apply
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Netflix , Peacock , and many more better technology
TV
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 shows ,
TV
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's had definitely got smarter over the years. All thanks to AI.
Conclusion
In the end ,
me
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I
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 personally
i'd
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would
 never run to
books
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 for
entertainment
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, i
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. I
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 can't stand reading for a long amount of time
, i
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. I
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 respect people who read
books
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 for amusement
i
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. I
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 think they are quite the intelligent type. But me respectfully i'd never find
books
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entertainment
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, entertainment
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or
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, or
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 something that
i'd
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I'd
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 reach for during my free time.
TV
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on
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, on
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 the other hand ,
i'd
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I'd
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 love to watch
TV
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on
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in
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 my free time

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task response
State your answer clearly in the first part. Say that you disagree, and explain why TV or games are better for children, not only for you.
task response
Keep the focus on children. Much of the essay talks about your own likes and dislikes. Add ideas about how each choice can affect children.
task response
Give clear reasons and simple examples. For example, TV can show science or nature programs, while games can help children work with others. Also explain why reading may still be useful.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first say your view, then give one reason, then give a second reason, and end by restating your view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. The second paragraph moves between TV, phones, tablets, and AI, so it is hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way, such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, and “In the end”. Do not start many sentences with “But” or “Nowadays”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeated personal lines such as “me personally” and “I’d never”. Use more formal words, for example: “In my view, television is more enjoyable for many children.”
task response
You give a clear personal view and keep it from the start to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a beginning, a paragraph about TV, and an ending, so the reader can see your main path.
task response
You try to compare reading with TV and give current examples such as Netflix and Peacock.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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