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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The behavior of students in class is becoming worse and worse.. What are the causes of this? What solutions can be offered?

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Introduction
It is argued that the number of students misbehaving in class is dramatically increasing. I believe that
this
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 is caused by an
incorret
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incorrect
 and exaggerated use of online platforms and social media, which results in insufficient
time
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 dedicated to
sports
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 and recreational activities. Parental supervision and guidance could be a way to tackle the problem.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, many studies have demonstrated that
the extrem
Correct word choice
excessive
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 exposure to screens can be harmful
for
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to
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 young people's
brain
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brains
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, reducing their attention span. At present,
children
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 use electronic devices -
such
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 as cellphones and
Ipads
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iPads
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- for a considerably long
time
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 on a daily basis, mainly consuming short videos on online platforms or social media, like YouTube and Instagram.
This
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 results in a lower ability to concentrate and
therefore
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 to follow a lecture, potentially turning
children
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 into misbehaving students.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, the more
time
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children
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 spend online, the less they will spend doing
sports
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 and socialising in real-life. In fact, physical activity is not only beneficial for
children
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's health, but it is
aslo
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also
 necessary for their energy release. If
children
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 do not play
sports
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, they might become overstimulated and agitated.
Moreover
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,
sports
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 can help young people develop social skills which are useful for class dynamics.
Body paragraph 3
I
belive
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believe
 that parents should have responsability on their
children
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, monitoring their
screen-
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screen time
time
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 and encouraging
extra curricular
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extracurricular
 activities.
For instance
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, smartphones could be given to
children
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 only above 13
and
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, and
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screen-
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screen time
time
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 should be limited to a few hours a day.
Furthermore
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, parents should encourage their kids to play team
sports
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 and
faciliate
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facilitate
 socialisation occasions with their peers.
Conclusion
In conclusion, students probably misbehave in class
due to
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 overstimulation and focus deficit. I believe that parents should try tackling the issue by creating healthy habits for their
children
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and
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and,
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 most importantly
controlling
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, controlling
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 their screen
time
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.

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task response
Answer both parts clearly, as you do now. To make the answer stronger, add one more cause, such as weak rules at school or stress at home. Then give a matching school-based solution, not only advice for parents.
task response
Some ideas need more care. For example, explain more clearly how less sport can lead to bad class behavior. You can say that sport helps children use energy, learn self-control, and work with others.
task response
Your example about phones after age 13 is clear, but it is very fixed. A more balanced idea is that parents can set clear phone rules based on the child’s age and needs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: causes, more causes, solutions, and a final summary. Keep this plan, but make the link between the two cause paragraphs smoother with a short opening line such as: "Another cause is the lack of healthy activities."
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use "Moreover" more than once. Try simple choices such as "Also", "As a result", "For this reason", and "In addition" to show the exact link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You move between "children", "young people", and "students". This is not wrong, but using "students" more often will make the essay feel more focused on class behavior.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word and spelling errors, because they can slow the reader down: "incorrect", "extreme", "also", "believe", "responsibility", and "facilitate". Also write "iPads" and "extracurricular" as one word.
task response
You give clear causes and clear solutions. The main idea about too much screen time is relevant and is explained with useful details about short videos, poor focus, and class behavior.
task response
The solution paragraph is practical. You explain what parents can do: watch screen time, support activities, and help children spend time with friends.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main purpose, and the order of ideas is easy to follow. The final paragraph clearly brings the main points together.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple paragraph links such as "To begin with", "Moreover", "For instance", and "In conclusion" well, so the reader can follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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