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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Introduction
In many societies today, long working
hours
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 have become the norm, often leaving little time for rest or leisure.
While
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this
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 trend does offer certain financial and professional
benefits
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, I believe the disadvantages, particularly to
health
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 and personal relationships, considerably outweigh these advantages.
Body paragraph 1
There are undeniable
benefits
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 to working extended
hours
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.
Employees
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 who take on overtime or additional responsibilities often earn significantly higher incomes, which can improve their standard of living and provide greater financial security for their families. Long
hours
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 can
also
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 accelerate career progression, as
employees
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 who consistently demonstrate strong commitment are often considered first for promotions or leadership roles. For those in the early stages of their careers,
this
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 period of intense effort can
therefore
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 serve as a valuable investment in future professional success.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, these
benefits
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 often come at a considerable long-term cost. Chronic overwork is closely linked to physical and mental
health
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 problems, including stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation, all of which can eventually lead to more serious conditions
such
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 as heart disease. In Japan,
this
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 issue is severe enough to have produced a specific term, "karoshi," referring to death caused by overwork — a stark illustration of how extreme working patterns can have life-threatening consequences. Beyond physical
health
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, long
hours
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also
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 erode personal relationships, as
employees
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 have little time remaining for family, friends, or partners, often resulting in emotional isolation and weakened family bonds over time.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
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, the productivity gains assumed to justify long working
hours
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 are often illusory. Exhausted
employees
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 are more prone to errors, reduced concentration, and burnout, which can ultimately lower
overall
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 output despite the additional
hours
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 worked. Countries
such
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 as the Netherlands and Denmark, which maintain comparatively shorter average working weeks, consistently rank among the highest in global
wellbeing
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well-being
 and happiness indices, suggesting that reduced
hours
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 need not come at the cost of economic performance.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 working long
hours
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 can bring short-term financial and career
benefits
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, I believe the resulting damage to physical
health
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, mental
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
, and personal relationships represents a far greater cost. A more balanced approach to work and leisure would likely benefit both individuals and society in the long run.

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task response
State the main view clearly, as you do here, and keep each part linked to the question. To make the answer even stronger, you could say more about why the work gains do not last as long as the harm.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: more money and a better job can come from long hours, but health, family life, and work quality can suffer. Keep using clear reasons and real-world examples that directly support each point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear order: opening, good points, bad points, a further reason, and a closing view. Keep one main idea in each paragraph, as this makes the answer easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “While”, “However”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” well. For an even smoother flow, use fewer linking words when the link is already clear from the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph sums up your view well. You can make the end even more forceful by briefly restating that the bad effects are wider and last longer than the money or job gains.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear view from the first paragraph to the end: the bad effects are greater than the good effects.
task response
The examples about overwork in Japan and shorter work weeks in the Netherlands and Denmark are relevant and help make your points more real.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear purpose, and the ideas move in a natural order from possible gains to stronger reasons against long work hours.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing paragraphs match well, so the reader can easily see your main view and how the body paragraphs support it.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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