IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Schools and workplaces should allow people to make mistakes without serious consequences because failure is an important part of learning. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is often argued that schools and workplaces should allow
people
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 to make
mistakes
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 without serious consequences because failure is an important part of learning.
However
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, I personally agree with
this
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view
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 because it can develop problem-solving and independent thinking and increase
people
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's confidence and motivation.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason why I agree with
this
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view
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 is that allowing
people
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 to make
mistakes
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 can develop problem-solving and independent thinking.
This
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 is mainly because
people
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 can identify their
mistakes
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 and think about how to solve problems more effectively.
In other words
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,
mistakes
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 can give
people
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 an opportunity to learn through their own experience
instead
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 of always depending on others.
For example
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, a
student
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 who makes a mistake
while
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 completing a practical project can examine the problem and find a better way to complete the task.
As a result
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, the
student
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 can improve problem-solving skills and become more independent.
Therefore
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, I believe that
people
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 should be allowed to make reasonable
mistakes
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 during the learning process.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, another important reason why I agree with
this
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view
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 is that a supportive environment can increase
people
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's confidence and motivation.
This
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 is because encouragement and positive feedback can make
people
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 more willing to make an effort and improve their performance.
For instance
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, a teacher may explain a
student
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's mistake and encourage the
student
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 to try the task again
instead
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 of giving a severe punishment.
Consequently
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, the
student
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 may become more confident and motivated to improve.
Therefore
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, I strongly agree with
this
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view
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly agree with the
view
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 that schools and workplaces should allow
people
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 to make
mistakes
Use synonyms
 without serious consequences.
This
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 is mainly because it can develop problem-solving and independent thinking
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 increase
people
Use synonyms
's confidence and motivation.

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task response
Make your view a little more exact. Say that people should be free to make small and safe mistakes, but not mistakes that can hurt other people or cause big harm. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Add more detail to each main point. For example, explain how looking at a wrong step helps a worker find the cause and do better next time.
task response
Your examples are clear, but they are quite general. Give one more real detail about the project or task, such as what the student did wrong and what they learned from it.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea even smoother by showing how the example proves the point before the final sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used many times, especially "This is because", "For example", "As a result", and "Therefore". Use some other simple links, such as "also", "because of this", "so", and "in this way".
coherence and cohesion
The last sentence in each main part repeats the same idea. You can use this space to add a short limit or result instead, so the writing moves forward.
task response
You clearly state that you agree, and you give two clear reasons: people can learn to solve problems on their own, and they can feel more sure and willing to try.
task response
The examples fit your ideas well. The student project and the teacher's kind help both show why mistakes can support learning.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has a clear main idea, an explanation, an example, and a result. This makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what your answer will discuss, and the ending clearly brings back your main view and reasons.
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