IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantanges? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Couples decide to have kids in the later years of
life
Use synonyms
 , as compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in past. I believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
there are only merits to
this
Linking Words
 trend. I will elaborate on my ideas in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
decison
Correct your spelling
decision
 of family
planing
Correct your spelling
planning
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 later stage of
life
Use synonyms
 is wise in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world. It gives financial
stabilty
Correct your spelling
stability
, and the home environment is warm. The
turbulent
Replace the word
turbulence
 in the youth years brings more maturity in people, and they understand their
life
Use synonyms
 partners more.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a family has a solid
economical
Replace the word
economic
 foundation, they can raise their
offsprings
Check wording
offspring
show examples
 in
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 way. They can provide their kids with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 education
,
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apply
show examples
 and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 lifestyle. They can spend more time with children, because they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 have a
complusion
Correct your spelling
compulsion
 to work for long hours, to support their families.
Hence
Linking Words
, people spend their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 more happily.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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, it is not just a decision based upon monetry side. It
also
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 helps to
spend
Verb problem
lead a
show examples
 healthy
Use synonyms
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
. In past, many families would face birth complications during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pregnancy. The most common cause was the age of
couple
Correct article usage
the couple
show examples
, and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of understanding
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 human anatomy.
For example
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, women were in
early
Correct determiner usage
their early
show examples
 years of youth, when they were having kids, but there body was weak.
This
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 was harmful for both
mother
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the mother
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 and
child
Correct article usage
the child
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the trend of having children at
later
Correct article usage
a later
show examples
 age has decreased, the mortality rate in infants.
This
Linking Words
 can be seen as
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 achievement in
todays
Correct your spelling
today's
 world.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the choice made by folks to have children in
later
Correct article usage
a later
show examples
 phase of
lives
Check wording
life
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wise resolution, and I believe there are no disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question, but you say there are no bad points. This is too strong. Later parenthood can bring health risks, less energy for child care, and less time with children as they grow up. Explain these points, then clearly show why you think the good points are stronger.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. You say later parenthood gives a warm home and more time, but this is not always true. A couple may still work long hours. Explain how a stable job, savings, and a planned home can help parents care for a child.
task response
Some health ideas are not clear or may be wrong. Having children at a later age can also raise health risks for the mother and baby. Do not say that later age has cut infant deaths without clear support. Use safe, balanced ideas instead.
task response
Your examples are very general. Add one clear example, such as a couple who wait until they have a stable job and enough money for housing, child care, and school needs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. However, each body part needs a clearer main point. Start each one with one direct idea, then explain it, give an example, and link it back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Moreover” and “For example” are useful, but some links do not show a clear reason. Make the order clear: reason, result, example, and short closing sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about money, good education, and a better life. Add a different point, such as parents being more ready for the work of raising a child.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your view, but it should also sum up the key reasons and show why they are stronger than the bad points. A balanced ending will make your answer more convincing.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep this view through the essay.
task response
You include useful ideas about money, work, education, and family life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and some linking words to guide the reader.
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