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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that using a bicycle as the main form of transport has a lot of advantages, whereas others think that it has many disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Bicycle is a widely known transportation that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 been used for a long time. It was even used by our ancestors. I personally agree that bicycle has a plenty of advantages, but they should come
along with
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 a proper environment and equipment. So in
this
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 case, I am still in between both sides, and
this
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 essay will explain the reasoning behind it.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, using bycicle to reach the destination, either schools or
office
Correct article usage
the office
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, could increase the health of the user. The leg as the main motor could be strengthened by the movement of the pedal,
let alone
Correct word choice
especially
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 if the road is inclined, it uses more energy and could gain more muscles. Money-wise, biking is a lot cheaper than cars because it does not need gasoline and is more sustainable for the environment.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, only a few cities provide decent
bike
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 lanes.
Hence
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,
bike
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 users could be harmed
while
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 using the main road
along with
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 the car users. In Jakarta, there is a recent case where bikers died after hitting an open car door on the main road.
This
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 case is
the
Correct article usage
an
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 example of how using a
bike
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 but not in its designated way will lead to a dangerous outcome.
Conclusion
For those reasons mentioned above, we could conclude that the
bike
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 surely has a lot of advantages for the users if only the city completed the standard requirements of it. So it will not cause any trouble for the people and the environment in the future

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, which is good. However, your view is not fully clear. You say you agree with bicycles, but then say you are between both sides. State one clear view: bicycles should be the main transport only where safe lanes and needed support are in place.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why better health and lower cost matter, and explain more fully why unsafe roads make cycling hard. This will make your answer feel more complete.
task response
Your Jakarta example is useful and on topic. Make the link clearer: it shows that cyclists need safe bike lanes, clear road rules, and care from drivers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good points, bad points, and ending. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “First, cycling can improve health.” “Also, it costs less than driving.” “However, safety is a serious problem in many cities.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. For example, write “Using a bicycle to go to school or work can improve a person’s health” instead of “using bicycle to reach the destination, either schools or office.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph stronger by giving a direct final view. Say what cities should do and when cycling can work well as main transport.
task response
You cover the two views asked for: the health, cost, and green gains of cycling, as well as the safety problems on busy roads.
task response
The real case from Jakarta gives your essay a clear and useful example.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” “Hence,” and “For those reasons.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • main mode of transport
  • daily commute
  • traffic congestion
  • air pollution
  • carbon emissions
  • environmentally friendly
  • fuel costs
  • parking fees
  • physical fitness
  • public health
  • cycle lanes
  • road safety
  • separate cycling infrastructure
  • risk of accidents
  • adverse weather conditions
  • short-distance journeys
  • carry heavy loads
  • practical alternative
  • reduce dependence on cars
  • sustainable transport
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