IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say government should give health care the first priorities, some others believe education is more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
In contemporary society, there is an ongoing debate regarding whether governments should prioritise funding for
healthcare
Use synonyms
 or
education
Use synonyms
. In my view,
while
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 is fundamental for long-term progress,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 must take precedence because a healthy populace is an absolute prerequisite for any learning or productivity.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, advocates of educational funding argue that it serves as the primary engine for economic advancement. By equipping citizens with specialised knowledge and vocational skills, higher
education
Use synonyms
 enhances employment opportunities and fosters innovation.
For example
Linking Words
, tertiary graduates are far more likely to launch successful enterprises and generate jobs, which directly mitigates unemployment and fuels national growth.
Consequently
Linking Words
, proponents maintain that allocating tax revenue to schools and universities yields the greatest return on public investment.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that
healthcare
Use synonyms
 warrants immediate priority because physical well-being underpins every aspect of daily life. Citizens suffering from preventable illnesses or malnutrition cannot participate effectively in the workforce, nor can children concentrate in class if their basic physiological needs are neglected.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, unexpected medical crises can plunge families into poverty unless the state provides accessible clinics and subsidised treatments.
Therefore
Linking Words
, investing in medical infrastructure and public health programs must come
first,
Linking Words
as intellectual development is impossible without physical vitality.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 public expenditure on
education
Use synonyms
 is crucial for long-term economic prosperity,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 remains the foremost necessity. Governing bodies ought to ensure the survival and physical wellness of their citizens before other societal goals can be achieved.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer even stronger, explain more clearly how a government can give health care first place while still giving enough money to education.
task response
Your main points are clear and well developed. Add one more real or more detailed example, such as free child health checks helping children attend school and learn well.
task response
The point about poor health stopping work and study is very strong. You could also note that education can help health in the long run, for example by teaching people how to prevent illness.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each body paragraph has one main idea, and the order of ideas is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “Furthermore”, and “Therefore”, guide the reader well. Do not add many more, because the present amount feels natural.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph clearly returns to your view. You may make it a little more exact by saying that health care should come first for basic needs, while education should still receive strong long-term support.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the case for education, explain the case for health care, and state your own view clearly.
task response
The reasons fit the topic well. The link between health, work, and learning is clear and convincing.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives a clear plan for the essay, and the conclusion matches the view given at the start.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are well organised, with a clear main idea and support in each one.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Universal healthcare
  • Preventative measures
  • Productivity
  • Innovation
  • Economic prosperity
  • Alleviate
  • Resource allocation
  • Public-private partnerships
  • Informed electorate
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Primary education
  • Higher education
  • Life expectancy
  • Civic engagement
  • Sustainable development
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