IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many countries have embraced tourism as a way to boost their economies and create Tobs for local residents. However some argue that tourism can have negative impact's on the environment and local culture's. What are the advantages and disadvantages of tourism for a country?

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Debates among
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 about the negative and the positive impact of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 remain unresolved. Some argue that promoting local tourist attractions will bring benefits to economic
developments
Check wording
development
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the opposition believes it will create harmful effects on local people and
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 natural habitats. From my perspective, these two opinions have
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 own advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed
further
Linking Words
.
Body paragraph 1
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the favoured groups of individuals supporting the touristic development
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their country
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 because it improves economic
developments
Check wording
development
show examples
. From a macro-economic view,
tourism
Use synonyms
 can systematically boost local people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 by creating job vacancies.
This
Linking Words
 certainly helps many people around the
tourism
Use synonyms
 area earn more money.
For instance
Linking Words
, Bali - in Indonesia -
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
used to be one of the poorest regions in Indonesia before it became a number one destination for foreigners.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if a considerable number of overseas tourists
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
, a country
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
benefitted
Wrong verb form
benefits
show examples
 from visa fees income. Gradually, a nation will be stronger economically
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the government will have more money to build the country better.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, the most opposing argument against
tourism
Use synonyms
 is about its negative impact on the
environments
Check wording
environment
show examples
. Building a tourist attraction often requires a mass land opening, and most of the time cutting trees and removing
plantation
Check wording
plantations
show examples
 and even exploiting natural resources around the area
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as water.
This
Linking Words
 often brings a bad effect to local people because many of them will
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack resources.
For example
Linking Words
, in Borneo, Indonesia,
their
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government built a
newly touristic
Replace the word
new tourist
 city that was
targetted
Correct your spelling
targeted
 to bring tourists worldwide. To do that, they replace the forest and persuade many families to move to other places with only limited compensation. And now, not only
does
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 the flood hit
this
Linking Words
 area recently, but a lot of individuals
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
have also
show examples
 lost their food and jobs they previously gained from the forest.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite the positive impact of
tourism
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 national economic improvements, it
also
Linking Words
 brings drawbacks to
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 community.
Thus
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must consider
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
investing on environmentally-sustainable
tourism
Use synonyms
 plan for future generations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. The good side is clear: jobs, more money, and visa fees. Add one more clear good point, such as better roads, hotels, or public services.
task response
Explain the bad side in a wider way. You write well about land, trees, water, and jobs, but also show how tourism can change local culture, such as local ways of life, food, or places becoming too busy.
task response
Make the main point in each body part more direct. Start with one simple topic sentence, then explain it, then give one example, and then link the example back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, good side, bad side, and conclusion. To make the flow stronger, use simple links like “First,” “Also,” “However,” “As a result,” and “For this reason.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and have many ideas. Break them into two or three shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. For example, use “tourism” or “tourist growth” instead of changing often between “touristic development,” “tourist attraction,” and “touristic city.”
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph gives a useful view, but it could sum up both sides more clearly before giving your final idea about green tourism.
task response
You give a clear view of both the good and bad sides of tourism, and your ideas stay close to the question.
task response
The examples from Bali and Borneo help make your points more real and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape, with an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For instance,” “Additionally,” “However,” and “In conclusion” help show the move from one idea to the next.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: