IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some societies, more and more people choose to live on their own. What are the reasons people choose to do this? Is it a positive or negative trend?

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Introduction
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 recent years, a new trend has been seen that in many societies ,
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 number of individuals prefer to live their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 on their own.
there
Capitalize the word
There
show examples
 are several reasons behind
this
Linking Words
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 parental supervision and in search of job opportunities.
Linking Words
this
Capitalize the word
This
show examples
 is a positive trend because
people
Use synonyms
 are responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own deeds and
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 consequences.
Body paragraph 1
Linking Words
firstly
Capitalize the word
Firstly
show examples
, in the past years,
people
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 living with their families and taking care of
the the
Correct determiner usage
their
show examples
 loved ones consume lot of time.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize the proper name
As
show examples
 a result indiviiduals find it difficult to spend time with
oneself
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
show examples
. Additionaly parental supervision offers interference with the personal choice.
many
Capitalize the word
Many
show examples
 youngsters believe that they are not able to feel
secured
Replace the word
secure
 and suffocated
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
is
Verb problem
makes it
show examples
 hard for them to choose
their liking
Replace the word
what they like
 and
prefrences
Correct your spelling
prefer
.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 example, adults who are always under supervision and enforced by their parents are less likely to perform
in
Rephrase
well in
show examples
personal
Correct determiner usage
their personal
show examples
 and academic lives.
Linking Words
therefore
Capitalize the word
Therefore
show examples
, prefer to live
according to
Linking Words
own
Correct determiner usage
one's own
show examples
 terms and
condition
Check wording
conditions
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
secondly
Capitalize the word
Secondly
show examples
, urban areas provide
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 infrastructure and job opportunities. newly graduated
people
Use synonyms
 move to
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 places for the sake of their work.
these
Capitalize the word
These
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 aspire to grow and excel in the career and
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to prove themselves.
Linking Words
furthermore
Capitalize the word
Furthermore
show examples
, in
this
Linking Words
 era, where everything is highly expensive and
people
Use synonyms
doesnt
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
 want to become
burden
Correct article usage
a burden
show examples
 on others.
apart
Capitalize the word
Apart
show examples
 from that, they even feel its is unworthy and unnecessary to take care of others expences.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 example, adults are admitting their parents to nursing home care to get services from government officials and stay alone with
thei
Correct your spelling
their
 partners.
Linking Words
consequently
Capitalize the word
Consequently
show examples
, they prefer to have just one or two
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
Linking Words
according
Capitalize the word
According
show examples
 to my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend because living alone
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
show examples
 stress on housing and
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
.
places
Capitalize the word
Places
show examples
 are getting more congested
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, staying away from loved ones causes dementia,
alziehmer's
Correct your spelling
Alzheimer's
 and other mental disabilities.
Conclusion
in
Capitalize the word
In
show examples
 conclusion, in many
areas
Add a comma
areas,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are preferring to stay alone
due to
Linking Words
 interference and lack of job opportunities
in particular
Linking Words
 areas.
it
Capitalize the word
It
show examples
 should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal choices and preferences
according to
Linking Words
 their needs.

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Task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Give clear reasons for living alone, then give one clear view on whether this change is good or bad.
Task response
Keep your main view the same. The first part says living alone is positive, but the last part says it is negative. Choose one view and support it all through the essay.
Task response
Develop each reason with a clear link to living alone. For example, explain how a job in another city makes a person move out of the family home.
Task response
Use examples that fit your point. The example about sending parents to a care home does not clearly show why more people choose to live alone.
Task response
Be careful with strong health claims. If you say living alone causes mental health problems, explain this in a fair and simple way, or use a safer point such as loneliness.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make the ideas in each body part more focused.
Coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part. The first body part should only discuss freedom from family control. The second should only discuss work and moving to cities.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. Words such as “because”, “as a result”, “for example”, and “therefore” can help, but make sure the sentence after each link gives a clear result.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your main view and repeat the two main reasons in a short, clear way. Do not add a new idea at the end.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid ideas that do not connect well, such as moving from job costs to having one or two children. Explain the link clearly or remove the idea.
Task response
You give more than one reason for the trend, including family control and work in other places.
Task response
You try to give examples to support your points, which is a good habit in this kind of essay.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, and the reader can see the start, main points, and ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “firstly”, “secondly”, “for example”, and “in conclusion”.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • solitude
  • autonomy
  • independence
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • personal growth
  • social isolation
  • financial independence
  • cultural changes
  • career-focused lifestyles
  • mental respite
  • personal preferences
  • economic growth
  • technological advancements
  • communal support
  • social connections
  • housing market
  • real estate demand
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