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Writing Samples
Band 6

Due to the coronavirus, all schools have been closed, making both students and teachers use electronic devices to study online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Write an essay of at least 250 words to support your arguments.

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Introduction
Ever since COVID, in contemporary society, the
usage
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 of online education has increased for various reasons. Regarding
this
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 trend, it is widely debated whether it gives positive or negative effect on individuals.
While
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 some state that the
usage
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 of online education is convenient and efficient, others argue that it hinders people from having good school-related memories and becoming too reliant on the
internet
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,
internet
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 education has become 'effective' as both
students
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 and educators can set their own time to study.
For instance
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, professors in Korea record lecture videos and give
students
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 a week to watch and do their homework. By
this
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, both
students
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 and educators can use their own time, which helps them to focus and perform better in their field.
In addition
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 to
this
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, online learning is
also
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 convenient as the work sources,
such
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 as lecture notes and presentations, are well-stored. In many international schools, many teachers use Google Drive to keep files
such
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 as presentation lectures and documents in one area.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the
usage
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 of the
internet
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 in schools hinders having memorable memories about school.
For example
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, Korean
students
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,
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apply
show examples
 who entered university after COVID
,
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apply
show examples
 prefer to stay alone and study rather than hang out with new friends and participate in club activities.
Moreover
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, online studies have changed
students
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 and teachers to become more reliant to
internet
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. An illustration of
this
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 is
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instead
Correct word choice
that, instead
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 of asking questions, many
students
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 tend to search up on the
internet
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 to find answers, not knowing the reliability of the source.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the
usage
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 of
internet
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 teaching has increased in many schools.
While
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this
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 has helped people to learn/teach effectively and conveniently, it
also
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 blocks them from having a great experience of school and relies too much on the
internet
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. Give two clear good points and two clear bad points, then explain each one fully.
task response
Some ideas need more support. For example, explain how saved files help students learn, and why online study can make people depend too much on the internet.
task response
Use more exact examples. The Korea examples are useful, but show more clearly how they prove your main point.
task response
Keep your main words the same. You use “online education”, “internet education”, “online learning”, and “internet teaching”. Choose one or two terms and use them throughout.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. To make it easier to read, begin each body paragraph with one direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use simple links such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, “However”, and “Also” only when they show the true link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph a little stronger by restating the two main good points and the two main bad points in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear wording such as “By this” and “work sources”. Say exactly what you mean, for example, “Because of this system” and “study materials”.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of online study, so your response stays on the topic.
task response
You use real examples about lecture videos, Google Drive, and university students. These make your ideas more believable.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because the first body paragraph gives good points and the second gives bad points.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly shows the two sides that you will discuss, and your ending returns to them.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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