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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some say that today's life is better than it will be in the future; others disagree and say that in the future life will be better than now. Discuss and include your opinion

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Introduction
While
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 some people say that the
future
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 is better than the present time, I side with those who believe that today is the best
life
Use synonyms
 we can get.
This
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 is because we do not know what lies ahead tomorrow, as it contains high risks we never know about, so we only live our breath now.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in
this
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 modern era,
life
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 is already good. The advancement of technology improves our way to do activities.
For example
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, our daily job to clean the house is getting easier as there is a vacuum cleaner and even a smart sweeping robot.
This
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 automation saves our time so we can focus on our work or have a good rest.
Moreover
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, healthcare, education and communication systems in today's era offer better service than previous generations had.
For instance
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, back
then
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, when people had
cronical
Correct your spelling
chronic
 illness, it was difficult for them to get the medicine.
However
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, the situation is different for now,
due to
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 medical discoveries that help people live longer
,
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apply
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 and treat serious diseases more effectively.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
although
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 the
future
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 promises more and more advanced innovation, it is
also
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 driving huge threats
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the whole society. Nowadays, digital innovation drives artificial intelligence, which helps us in performing tasks.
Nevertheless
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, it
also
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 brings negative issues to replace workers in many industries for the following years
,
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;
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therefore
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, we may lose our jobs,
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then
Correct word choice
and then
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 the unemployment level will go up drastically.
Furthermore
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,
future
Use synonyms
 risk
also
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 grows from climate change that getting worse over time. The world's temperature has significantly
rise
Verb problem
risen
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 for the past decade, like it melts the iceberg whether on the North Pole or the South Pole,
whereas
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 it contains hundreds of bacteria and viruses that we do not have a clue about, how dangerous it is to human existence.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think today's
life
Use synonyms
 is better than the
future
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. We live in contemporary times where it offers huge benefits from technology and medical innovation.
Although
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 advancement is always evolving, we have to face inconvenient challenges for the next era.

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task response
You answer both views and give a clear view of your own. To make your view stronger, explain more clearly why future risks are more important than future gains.
task response
Some ideas need more care. For example, job loss from AI is a good point, but show how it may affect daily life, such as less pay, stress, or more people out of work.
task response
Use more exact facts or examples. The health and home robot examples work well, but the point about ice and unknown germs feels less sure. A clearer climate example, such as floods, heat, or food loss, would be stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part focused on one key idea. In the first main part, you move from home tools to health, school, and talk systems. Choose two ideas and explain each one more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. Words such as “For example”, “Moreover”, and “However” help, but do not put too many ideas in one long sentence. Split long sentences so the link between cause and result is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make the opening more direct. Instead of saying “we only live our breath now,” say that present life is better because its benefits are real, while future progress may bring serious risks.
task response
You deal with both sides of the question and clearly say that you prefer life today.
task response
Your examples of smart home tools, health care, AI, and climate change are on topic and help explain your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” clearly shows the two sides of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your main view and brings the essay to a clear close.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • technological progress
  • medical breakthroughs
  • advanced healthcare
  • automation in the workplace
  • smart technology
  • labour market
  • job displacement
  • face-to-face interaction
  • mental well-being
  • environmental protection
  • climate change
  • natural resources
  • rising living costs
  • economic inequality
  • sustainable development
  • government regulation
  • future generations
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