IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

An increasing number of professionals, such as teachers and doctors are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What are the reasons for this trend? What effect does it have on the countries professionals are leaving?

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Introduction
Many skilled
workers
Use synonyms
 are moving abroad for better
opportunitiues
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
This
Linking Words
 issue has sparked considerable debate
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
It
Fix capitalization
it
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 is causing several problems in
under-developed
Correct your spelling
underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will present reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 moving to developed
countries
Use synonyms
 and their possible outcomes in developing states.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 primary reasons is low wages. These skilled
workers
Use synonyms
 are paid less in their own
countries
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they face financial problems.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
workers
Use synonyms
 prefer to do jobs in
countries
Use synonyms
 where they are paid well.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
Pakistan
Use synonyms
 average salary of a pharmacist is only 50 thousand Pkr
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
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, in
Australia
Add a comma
Australia,
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 they are paid 50 thousand for a day.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 huge difference in salaries is the main reason why
people
Use synonyms
 are shifting to developed
countries
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, lack of employment opportunities and increasing saturation in available job options
is another reason
Correct subject-verb agreement
are other reasons
show examples
 why
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to work in developed states. In developing
Use synonyms
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 there are very
less
Correct determiner usage
few
show examples
 good job options. The
jobs
Check wording
job
show examples
 options that are available for these
workers
Use synonyms
 are very saturated.
For instance
Linking Words
, an advertisement about recuirtment of two medical officers in
primary
Correct article usage
a primary
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 health care setup was published by
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 department of India in 2022
Punctuation problem
. According
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according to
Linking Words
 an estimate
fifteen
Punctuation problem
, fifteen
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 hundred individuals applied for only two available seats.
This
Linking Words
 increased competition and saturation
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 why
people
Use synonyms
 are shifting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad.
Body paragraph 2
One of the major side
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of
this
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 migration of skilled
worker
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workers
show examples
is
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of professionals in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future.
According to
Linking Words
 a report published by
Use synonyms
Pakistan
Correct article usage
the Pakistan
show examples
 immigration
broad
Use the right word
board
show examples
, around 8 lac skilled
workers
Use synonyms
 had left
Pakistan
Use synonyms
 in the year 2024.
This
Linking Words
 huge migration of individuals gives us a clue that in
Correct article usage
the
show examples
future
Use synonyms
Pakistan
Punctuation problem
, Pakistan
show examples
 may face
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of skilled
workers
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 immigration of skilled
workers
Use synonyms
 will cause loss of hope in
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation. There are chances that
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
 generations will be less inclined towards professional studies
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will eventually lead to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of professionals in developing
countries
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.
Conclusion
In
concluion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
people
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 are shifting to developed
nation
Check wording
nations
show examples
because of better employment opportunities and higher salaries.
However
Linking Words
, the possible effects of
this
Linking Words
 migration is lack of professionals in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future and loss of hope and disappointment in the coming generations.

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task response
You answer both parts: why workers leave and what this does to their home countries. Keep this clear plan in each body part.
task response
Explain the second effect more fully. Say how fewer doctors and teachers can lead to longer waits at hospitals, less help at schools, and weaker public services.
task response
Be careful with facts and numbers. Some pay figures seem unlikely, so use a more general example unless you can be sure the fact is true.
task response
The point about young people losing hope is less clear. Explain why this may happen, or use a stronger effect such as a lack of care in rural areas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, group low pay and lack of jobs as reasons, then give one short example for each.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. You use 'As a result', 'Therefore', and 'Consequently' very close together. Choose one link, then explain the idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear words for the same group. Write 'skilled workers' or 'professionals' most of the time, rather than changing to 'individuals' or 'people'.
coherence and cohesion
Check small wording problems that can stop the flow: 'one of the primary reasons', 'moving abroad', 'job options', and 'Pakistan immigration board'.
task response
You give two clear reasons: low pay and too few good jobs. You also give two effects on poorer countries.
task response
Your examples about health workers make the topic feel real and stay close to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has a clear focus, and the ending repeats the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Firstly', 'Additionally', and 'In conclusion' help the reader see the order of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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