IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit, while some support this, other people believe that this money should not be given. Discuss both points of view and give your own point of view gp

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Introduction
In some countries, unemployed
people
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 receive a weekly payment from the
government
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 to help them meet their basic needs.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that
this
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 is an important form of
support
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, others argue that unemployed
people
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 should not receive money without working.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why I believe
unemployment
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benefits
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 are necessary when they are properly managed.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, providing financial
support
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 to unemployed
people
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 can help them maintain a reasonable standard of living. Losing a job can happen for many reasons,
such
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 as economic problems, company closures, or a lack of available jobs. Without financial assistance, unemployed
people
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 may struggle to afford essential expenses
such
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 as food, transportation, and housing.
In addition
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,
unemployment
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benefits
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 can give
people
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 enough time to search for suitable jobs rather than accepting the first available position, even if it does not match their skills.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that
unemployment
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benefits
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 can make
people
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 less motivated to find employment. If individuals receive money regularly without having to work, they may become dependent on
government
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support
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.
This
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 could
also
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 place a financial burden on taxpayers and increase
government
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 spending.
Therefore
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, critics argue that
benefits
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 should be limited so that
people
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 have a stronger reason to return to work.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
unemployment
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benefits
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 are beneficial and should be provided, but they should not be given without conditions. Governments could provide
support
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 for a limited period
while
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 requiring recipients to actively search for jobs, attend training programmes, or improve their skills.
This
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 approach would protect
people
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 from serious financial difficulties
while
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 still encouraging them to become independent.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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unemployment
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benefits
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 may reduce
people
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's motivation to work and increase
government
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 spending, they provide important
support
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 during difficult periods. I believe that a limited and well-regulated benefit system is the most effective solution.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task: both views are clear, and your own view is clear. To make it even better, add one real or made-up example, such as a worker who loses a job when a factory closes.
task response
Your main view is well balanced: help should be given, but with rules. Explain a little more how job search checks or training can stop people from staying on help for too long.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow. Each body part has one main idea, and the order is clear: help for people, problems with help, then your view.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion”. You could also link ideas inside a paragraph more closely by showing cause and result in one or two more places.
coherence and cohesion
The first and last parts match well. The last part repeats your main view clearly without adding a new idea.
task response
You give a clear answer to both sides of the question and state your own view from the start.
task response
The ideas are on topic and easy to understand. Basic needs, time to find a good job, work interest, and cost to the public are all useful points.
coherence and cohesion
The four-part shape works very well: opening, one view, the other view, your view, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays focused, so the reader can understand your point with little effort.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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