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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar charts below shows the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.

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The bar charts below shows the prevalence of obesity among boys and girls aged 12 to 19 by ethnicity, in the United States for the years 2004 and 2014.
The diagram illustrates the process of one kind of desert
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is calld
rain
Use synonyms
 shadow desert.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
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 of seven main stages,
bignning
Correct your spelling
beginning
 with
approach
Replace the word
approaching
 the
winds
Use synonyms
 to the coast and
endings
Replace the word
ending
 when the inland areas
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 reached by dry
winds
Use synonyms
. Broadly, it involves
winds
Use synonyms
 pushed upwards, followed by clouds
form
Wrong verb form
forming
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 and
finally
Linking Words
 
rain
Use synonyms
 falls.
Initially
Linking Words
, the phases of
Use synonyms
rain
Correct article usage
the rain
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 shadow
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
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 when the
winds
Use synonyms
 are
considerd
Correct your spelling
considered
 near
to
Change preposition
apply
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the sea, which is associated with the
cost
Use the right word
coast
show examples
. After that,
winds
Use synonyms
moved to up
Wrong verb form
move upward
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 and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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then
Linking Words
 converted to moist air
rises
Correct pronoun usage
that rises
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 and cools. Clouds form, once
this
Linking Words
 stage has been
completed
Punctuation problem
completed,
show examples
 the
rain
Use synonyms
 falls from the peak point. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
step six, dry air continues over
mountain
Correct article usage
the mountain
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passe
Use the right word
pass
show examples
 of the leeward side. Ultimately, dry
winds
Use synonyms
 reach inland regions with
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 distance, which is over thousands of kilometres, between
coast
Correct article usage
the coast
show examples
 and
inland
Correct article usage
the inland
show examples
.

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words rain, winds with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • ethnic groups
  • trend
  • gender differences
  • public health
  • interventions
  • demographic
  • disparities
  • insight
  • analysis
  • comparison
  • proportion
  • fluctuation
  • longitudinal study
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