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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the coronavirus, all schools have been closed, making both students and teachers use electronic devices to study online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend? Write an essay of at least 250 words to support your arguments.

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Introduction
Covid pandemic has closed all the schools
and
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, and
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 now tutors and pupils are using electronic
devices
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 to study online.
This
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issue
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 has sparked considerable debate. The essay will present
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 and disadvantages of using electronic
devices
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 as a study tool.
Body paragraph 1
In the first place, it would be quite true to say that using electronic
devices
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 as a medium of learning is convenient for both the teacher and
students
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.
one
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One
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 illustration of
this
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 is that
teachers
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 can take online
classes
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 by using online platforms
such
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 as microsoft tool and
google meet
Capitalize the proper name
Google Meet
show examples
. By using these
tools
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tools,
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teachers
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 can easily deliver lectures
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as well as can
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and
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 assign them homeworks.
Body paragraph 2
Another major advantage of
this
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 side of the
issue
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 is that it has
bridge
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bridged
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 the gap between
students
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 and
teacher
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teachers
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.
For instance
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,
teachers
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 and
students
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 can connect easily .They can take
classes
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 from any part of the world.
Body paragraph 3
To put the
issue
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 into perspective, the third most important
which
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, which
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 is worth
considering
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considering,
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 is that with the help of these electronic
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devices
Add a comma
devices,
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 there are no chances of delays in education.
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for
Capitalize the word
For
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 example, with the help of
online
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an online
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 system
now
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, teachers can now
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teachers
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 can take
classes
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 in any situation
and
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, and
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 there
are
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is
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 no
chances
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chance
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 that
education
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the education
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 of
students
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 will suffer any
gap
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gaps
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 or delays.
Body paragraph 4
To say
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further
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further,
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 one factor that needs consideration would be that online education is expensive.
an
Capitalize the proper name
An
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 example that can
put
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be put
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 forward is that many
low incime
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low-income
 families cannot afford these
devices
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.
Body paragraph 5
yet
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Yet
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 there is a dark side
of
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to
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 the picture
which
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, which
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 advocates that there are still many areas of under developed countries where internet facilities are not adequate.
For instance
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,
In
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in
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Pakistan
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Pakistan,
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 many
northeren
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northern
 areas have no internet facility
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due
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, due
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 to which it is not possible to deliver online
classes
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 there.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I am convinced to believe that it is indeed a debatable
issue
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 which needs
further
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 analysis and discussion.
However
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, in
the
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apply
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light of the above-discussed arguments and examples, it would be quite safe
to conclude
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 that the advantages of online learning outweigh its disadvantages in many different aspects .

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task response
You answer both parts of the task. You give three good points for online study and two problems. However, some points need more full explanation. For example, say how online study saves time, or why a poor internet link stops learning.
task response
Make your main view clear in the last part. You say the good points are greater than the bad points, but this is not fully shown in the body. Add one short reason to explain why you think this.
task response
Use examples that fit each point. The examples of Google Meet and poor internet in Pakistan are useful. Check facts and use clear words, such as 'low-income families' and 'northern areas'.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, good points, bad points, and ending. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer long linking phrases. Phrases such as 'To put the issue into perspective' and 'To say further' do not add much. Use simple links: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The third good point can be a full paragraph with a clear first sentence, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence starts and full stops. Begin each sentence with a capital letter. Also avoid very short sentences after a full stop, such as 'They can take classes from any part of the world.' Connect this idea to the sentence before it.
task response
You cover both the good and bad sides of online learning, so the essay stays on the topic.
task response
You use real and relevant examples, including online class tools and internet problems in some areas.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending gives your overall view.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used to separate the main ideas, which makes the essay easier to read.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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