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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
As the phenomenon of people moving into urban
areas
Use synonyms
, the population in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is decreasing. In my opinion, it is a positive development. There are two reasons,
first,
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 may enjoy
well-developed
Correct article usage
a well-developed
show examples
 education system in urban cities.
Second,
Linking Words
the wildlife may get a break from the disturbance of human development.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost,
children
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rural
areas
Use synonyms
 may access better education. Taking
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 example of China, a lot of
children
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have relatively
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 educational resources than
children
Use synonyms
 living in Beijing or Shanghai.
This
Linking Words
 implies the potential lack of
talents
Check wording
talent
show examples
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
, as their ability might not be well developed without the support of resources.
Hence
Linking Words
, it will lead to a potential
loss
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 human resources for the country in the foreseeable future.
Therefore
Linking Words
, rural people moving to cities can create opportunities for rural area citizens to shine,
thus
Linking Words
 the chance for countries to develop
potential
Correct determiner usage
their potential
show examples
talented
Replace the word
talent
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, with less population living
around
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
countryside
Use synonyms
, the pollution made by
human
Check wording
humans
show examples
 to the environment will be
improved
Verb problem
reduced
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, our mother Earth could take a break from the disturbance of human living activities, and
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
 time, living things may once
enjoy the
Correct word order
again enjoy the countryside
show examples
countryside
Use synonyms
 again, without the pollution of sound, light, etc. Plants may
also
Linking Words
 grow as
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 stop the reclamation
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
countryside
Use synonyms
. It may enhance environmental
friendly better
Replace the word
friendliness
, allowing the Earth to
cover up
Wrong verb form
be covered
show examples
 with more green plants.
Conclusion
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there would be a
loss
Use synonyms
 of rural traditions and culture. In China,
a minority ethnic Miao
Correct word order
the Miao, a minority ethnic group
show examples
, is a renowned example of culture in countrysides. They own special traditional
clothings
Check wording
clothing
show examples
, but if they moved to urban
areas
Use synonyms
, their offspring would have to follow rules and regulations at normal schools, where they cannot wear their traditional clothes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school, but in unified uniforms.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to a potential
loss
Use synonyms
 in cultural heritage of their tradition. It would
then
Linking Words
 be a great
loss
Use synonyms
 to the world
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 it is listed in
intangible
Correct article usage
the intangible
show examples
 cultural heritage of the world.

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task response
Your view is clear: you think this change is good. However, add a short final paragraph to repeat your view and sum up the two main reasons. This will make your answer feel complete.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For education, say why city schools are better, such as more teachers, books, and school choices. For nature, explain why fewer people can mean less building, waste, and land use.
task response
The part about Miao culture is useful, but it is a problem with your view. Make clear why the good points are still stronger than this loss, or suggest ways to keep culture safe in cities.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: education, nature, then culture. Keep this order, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea and end by linking it back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. ‘First and foremost’ and ‘Secondly’ work well. In the last paragraph, use ‘However’ instead of ‘Nevertheless’ to show a clear change from good points to a bad point.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because the sentences are long or unclear. For example, write ‘This gives rural children a better chance to develop their skills’ instead of the longer sentence about human resources.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat words like ‘potential’ and ‘countryside’ too often. Use simple other words, such as ‘possible’, ‘rural areas’, or ‘the land outside cities’.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view from the start.
task response
You use real examples from China, Beijing, Shanghai, and the Miao people. These make your ideas more real and easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your main body paragraphs each have a different focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph starters such as ‘First and foremost’ and ‘Secondly’ to show the order of your points.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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