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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, many people drive to work or school instead of walking, cycling or using public transport. Does this trend have more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Introduction
An increasing number of people prefer to commute by
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cars
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car
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 rather than using environmentally friendly
vehicles
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.
Although
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,
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apply
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 travelling by
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cars
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car
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 is convenient and comfortable
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apply
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however
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, it
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 some major disadvantages related to health and
environment
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the environment
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.
This
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 essay will present the advantages and disadvantages of using personal
vehicles
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, one of the major
advantage
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advantages
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 is that travelling in personal
cars
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 is comfortable. Travelling in
cars
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 does not require any physical effort
all
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, all
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 one
have
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has
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 to do is
to
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apply
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get in the car
which
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, which
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 are ususally park outside their homes.
Thus
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,
this
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 approach is
hussle free
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hassle-free
it
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; it
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 does not require any physical effort. One illustration of
this
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 is that during
heat-wave
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a heatwave
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 in London
passengers
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, passengers
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 have to wait in long ques which causes delay
and
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, and
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their
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there
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 is
possibility
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a possibility
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 that workers do not
reach
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arrive
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 on time at working space.
Body paragraph 2
To put the issue into perspective, another most important factor, which is worth considering,
using
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is that using
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private
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a private
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 vehicle causes
dependance
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dependence
. Workers usually have long working
hour
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hours
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due to
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 which they suffer from some serious health problems like
diabeties
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diabetes
 and obesity. So, if
such
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 employees use bicycles
their
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, their
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 physical fitness may improve .
Body paragraph 3
Yet another
,
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apply
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 dark side of the picture is that private
vehicles
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cause
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 harmful effects on the environment.
While
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 public transport carries more people
and
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, and
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 eventually
it's
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its
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 carbon
emission
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emissions
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 are less compared to private
vehicles
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.
Thus
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,
use
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the use
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 of private
cars
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 pollution and global warming.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
yet
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although
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 private
cars
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 are comfortable
but
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, but
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 it
cause
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 some serious health and
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 side effects.
Thus
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, the advantages of using private
vehicles
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 are not worthwhile.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph. Say that the disadvantages are greater, then keep this view in all body paragraphs.
task response
Give more full support for each main point. Explain how less walking or cycling can lead to less exercise, weight gain, and poor health. Explain how more cars lead to more smoke, traffic, and warming of the earth.
task response
Use examples that directly support your point. The London heat example is not clear because it talks about public transport, not the bad side of driving. A better example is a worker who drives a short trip every day instead of walking.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph on the main advantage, one paragraph on health, one paragraph on the environment, and conclusion. Start each paragraph with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a simple and clear way. For example: “On the one hand”, “However”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not use too many link words when the next idea is not closely connected.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one point. The second body paragraph moves from long work hours to cars and then to cycling. Begin by saying that driving reduces daily exercise, then explain this point step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Check your sentences for clear meaning. For example, write “cars are usually parked outside people’s homes” and “their carbon emissions are lower”. Clear sentences help the reader follow your ideas.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view that the bad points are stronger.
task response
You choose useful main ideas: comfort, health, and the environment. These are closely linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Firstly”, “Thus”, and “In conclusion”, to show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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