IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Governments should spend more money preventing common illnesses than treating people after they become sick. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that more
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent by
governments
Use synonyms
 to prevent different types of
diseases
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instead
Linking Words
 of treating
people
Use synonyms
 when they are sick. I agree completely with
this
Linking Words
 view, because we will spend more
many
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
when we are
treatment of
Replace the word
treating
diseases
Use synonyms
in order to
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 we
want to
Verb problem
can
show examples
 recover quickly.
Body paragraph 1
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, there are many
governments
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 around the world
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 have plans to protect their citizens from common illnesses.
For example
Linking Words
,
governments
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 should prevent flights from regions that are suffering
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 dangerous
diseases
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
governments
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 force
citizen
Check wording
citizens
show examples
 to make
period check
Replace the word
periodic checks
 for their health.
In other words
Linking Words
, they provide a lot of health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 to give
people
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 vaccines.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
governments
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 advise their citizen to
go
Verb problem
stay
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 away from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crowded
area
Check wording
areas
show examples
.
Governments
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 in big countries spend more
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 these strategies.
As a result
Linking Words
,
governments
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 force families to
make a
Verb problem
have
show examples
 full health insurance, when they become sick from common illnesses ,because treating these
diseases
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require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 more
money
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.
This
Linking Words
 condition helps
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to prevent serious
diseases
Use synonyms
 from widespread. To illustrate, treating
diseases
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require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 more time and
money
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,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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also
Linking Words
 affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
improvement .
People
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 may lose their work or life when they are sick from dangerous
ill
Replace the word
illness
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 my opinion, I prefer
governments
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spend
Verb problem
to spend
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 more
money
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 to treat common
diseases
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, because the cost of treating
people
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higher
Verb problem
is higher
show examples
 than
to protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 them
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 common illnesses. There are a lot of
governments
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 that
put
Verb problem
have put
show examples
 strategies
to
Change preposition
in place to
show examples
 protect their citizen from serious
diseases
Use synonyms
 .

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task response
Make your view the same from start to end. You say you agree that preventing illness is better, but your last line says governments should spend more to treat illness. Change the last line so it clearly supports prevention.
task response
Explain your main reason more fully. Say that prevention, such as vaccines, health checks, and clean water, can stop many people from becoming ill. Then show how this can save money and help people keep working.
task response
Use one clear example and explain it. For example, free vaccines can stop a disease from spreading, so fewer people need costly hospital care.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction with your view, one body part about saving money, one body part about helping people and stopping spread, then a conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence and cohesion
Do not put too many ideas in one long part. Some ideas, such as travel limits, health checks, vaccines, insurance, and crowded places, are listed but not fully linked. Choose fewer ideas and explain each one.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like “For example”, “As a result”, and “In addition” should show a clear link. Also avoid repeating “governments” at the start of many sentences; use “they” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You give a clear view at the start and choose a side in the debate.
task response
You include useful prevention ideas, such as health checks, vaccines, and advice to avoid crowded places.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, a main body, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “In addition”, and “As a result”, to connect ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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