IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that capital punishment should not be used. Others, however, argue that it should be allowed for the most serious crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
NOWADAYS,
PROPLE
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PEOPLE
 HAVE MULTIPLE
OF
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OPINIONS REGARDING WHAT IS GOOD FOR
PUBLIC
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THE PUBLIC
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 AND WHAT IS NOT. FOR THE ENHANCEMENT OF GENERAL HEALTH, SOME THOUGHT
OF
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THAT
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 CAPITAL
PUNISHMENT
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 IS A GOOD METHOD FOR CRIMES
AND
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, AND
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OTHER
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OTHERS
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 GAVE THEIR VIEW TO USE IT ONLY FOR SERIOUS CRIMES. BOTH VIEWS HAVE EQUAL WEIGHTAGE
AND
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, AND
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 I SHALL
BE DISCUSSED
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DISCUSS
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 BOTH
THE
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VIEWS IN
GIVEN
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THE GIVEN
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 PARAGRAPH.
Body paragraph 1
TO COMMENCE WITH,
LETS
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LET'S
 TALK
ABPUT
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ABOUT
PEOPLE
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 WHO THOUGHT IT IS A GOOD METHOD TO REDUCE THE CRIMINAL
RATE
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. IF LOOKING AT THEIR PERSPECTIVE,
THIS
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 WILL HELP IN REDUCING THE
CRIME
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 FACTORS
AND
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, AND
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 MORE
PEOPLE
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 FRET TO DO
SUCH
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INCIDENCE
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AN INCIDENCE
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 IN FUTURE. FOR
INTANCE
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INSTANCE
, A FAMOUS
PSYCOLOGIST
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PSYCHOLOGIST
, "MR. ERIKSON
"
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 WAS DONE AN EXPERIMENT ON
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PEOPLE
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PEOPLE.
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,
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IT IS A
10
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10-PERSON
PEOPLE
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 GROUP WHERE 5
PEOPLE
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 WERE
DIVEIDED IN
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DIVIDED INTO
 EACH GROUP. ONE GROUP
SHOWN
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IS SHOWN
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 WITH THE
PUNISHMENT
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 METHODS AND
OTHER
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THE OTHER
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ONE
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IS FREE TO DO
THERE
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THEIR
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 WORK . THE RESULT SHOW THE PERSONS WHO
HAS
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HAVE
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 BEEN TAKEN FOR OBERVASTION SHOWS THEY
AFFRAID
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ARE AFRAID
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 TO
COMMITTEE
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COMMIT
 A
CRIME
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,
WHILE
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 OTHERS ARE MORE PRONE
SHOW
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TO SHOW
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AGGRESIVENESS
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AGGRESSIVENESS
 IN
FORM
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THE FORM
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 OF FIGHTING.
THUS
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, BY DOING SO NATION WILL BE FREE FROM HIGHER RATES OF
CRIME
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 IN FUTURE.
Body paragraph 2
ON THE OTHER HAND
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, PUPILS WHO THINK IT SHOULD BE ALLOWED FOR SERIOUS
CRIME
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 SHOULD BE CONSIDERED A BETTER APPROACH FOR MAINTAINING A POPULATION UNDER CONTROL.
FOR EXAMPLE
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, IN 2010, AN ARTICLE WAS PUBLISHED
ON '
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IN
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 THE HINDUSTAN TIMES" , SHOWS THAT
CRIME
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RATE
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 NOT JUST INCERASE THE
RATE
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 OF
CRIME
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 BUT
ALSO
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 IT WILL IMPACT ON THE POPULATION
ASLO
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ALSO
.
THEREFORE
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, GIVING
PUNISHMENT
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 TO
SPCIFIC
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SPECIFIC
CRIME
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 IS MUCH MORE UNDERTAKEN.
Conclusion
IN CONCLUSION, BOTH STATEMENTS ARE HAVING THERE OWN CONS AND PROS. BUT,
APRAT
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APART
 FROM THAT, THE ONLY
SOULTION
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SOLUTION
 TO LOWER
DOWN
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apply
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THE
CRIME
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RATE
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 IS THE CAPITAL
PUNISHMENT
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.

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task response
Discuss both views in a fair way. The first body part says that death punishment should be used to cut all crime. The second part should explain clearly why some people want it only for very serious crimes.
task response
Give your own view clearly. Your last line says death punishment is the only answer, but it does not say if it should be for all crimes or only the most serious crimes.
task response
Use real and clear support. The story about “Mr. Erikson” is hard to understand and may not be true. A simple made-up example is better, such as murder or acts that kill many people.
task response
Keep the main idea on the question. General health and population control are not linked to the topic. Write about crime, justice, safety, and the risk of killing an innocent person.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and conclusion. Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas clear. Use simple words such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Explain how each example proves your point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Write shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Check key words and spelling. Errors such as “prople”, “abput”, and “there work” make the essay hard to read. Also avoid writing in all capital letters.
task response
You wrote about both sides of the question and gave a final view.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraph breaks and linking words such as “To commence with”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • capital punishment
  • deterrent
  • crime
  • serious offenses
  • justice
  • victims
  • closure
  • life imprisonment
  • rehabilitation
  • legal system
  • fairness
  • wrongful convictions
  • moral
  • public opinion
  • perspectives
  • debate
  • effective
  • punishment
  • families
  • contribute
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