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Writing Samples
Band 5

Traffic jams are considered one of the major problems that face big cities all around the world. Give the reasons behind this problem and suggest possible solutions to fix the traffice problem.

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Introduction
Society is very different today from the past.
Traffic
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jams
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 are a difficult problem. They have changed the world for the worse.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons behind
traffic
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jams
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 and how to repair them.
Body paragraph 1
There are many reasons why
traffic
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jams
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 happen in cities.
First,
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people use more than one car in their cities.
For example
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, they
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
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 small
cars
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 and massive
cars
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 daily.
Also
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, they sometimes park
cars
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 in the street.
Second,
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population
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 size is a major cause of
traffic
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jams
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.
For instance
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, researchers in China say that Beijing's
population
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 is very large.
Moreover
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, the researchers say that New York
city
Capitalize the proper name
City
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 is the most densely populated city because its
population
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 is enormous compared to the
city
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city's
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 area.
Third,
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narrowness
Correct article usage
the narrowness
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 of the
streets
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 is the main cause of
traffic
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jams
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.
For instance
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 Italy, most
streets
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 are small and can not accommodate all the
cars
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.
Furthermore
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, people know that the biggest cause of accidents is the tiny size of
streets
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are many solutions to repair that trouble.
First,
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governments should make massive
streets
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.
For example
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, they can
bould
Use the right word
build
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 large
streets
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 that can accommodate a
population
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.
In addition
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, the
government
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 in Kuwait can build a very large street in Al-Mubarakiya that can accommodate more than 500
cars
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.
Second,
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the
government
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 should put strict laws for those who use two
cars
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 daily.
For example
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, it should impound anyone who uses two
cars
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 a day.
Moreover
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, the
government
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 can impose taxes on those who use two
cars
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.
Third,
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expanding parking spaces in shops and malls is a perfect notion.
For instance
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, expanding the parking facilities at
friday
Capitalize the proper name
Friday
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 market is crucial because it is a local commercial centre.
Also
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, the
government
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 should increase the number of parking spaces in cafes because people sit in cafes for long periods of time.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
traffic
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jams
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 are considered a challenging and essential issue.
However
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, there are many solutions to fix that.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Give the main causes, then give solutions that match each cause.
task response
Some ideas need to be more clear. For example, say that too many people use private cars, not that people use more than one car.
task response
Make the solutions more fair and possible. Taking a car from a person who uses two cars is too strong. Better ideas are better buses, trains, car sharing, and fees for city driving.
task response
Use examples that clearly show the point. The China and New York examples do not explain how traffic can be made less.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts, and end. Keep this plan, but make each body part link cause and solution more closely.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic words at the start of each paragraph, such as “One main cause is...” and “To deal with this...”.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat “First”, “Second”, and “Third” so often. Use words like “Another cause”, “Also”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more clear. For example: “Because streets are too small, cars cannot move well. Therefore, the city can add bus lanes and better road links.”
task response
You talk about both causes and ways to solve the problem.
task response
You give real city examples, such as Beijing, New York, Italy, and Kuwait.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The use of paragraphs helps the reader follow your main ideas.
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