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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days Internet –based courses have become a popular alternative to University – based courses. Some students prefer this type of learning because they do not need to attend lectures. Others argue that it is important to study at university. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, both Internet-based
courses
Use synonyms
 are so famous
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 most people prefer learning from them rather than university-based
courses
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 students tend to learn from
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
show examples
 place in comparison to
go
Wrong verb form
going
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 somewhere and
attend
Wrong verb form
attending
show examples
 lectures. But, a lot of different arguments
raise
Wrong verb form
are raised
show examples
 about which of them could be more useful than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
. Personally, I have neutral opinions about each of them.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, I always prefer learning by myself rather than from any mandatory
courses
Use synonyms
 or universities. Because
,
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apply
show examples
 there are a lot of resources available on
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
and
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, and
show examples
 that makes everything possible. Self-study is so beneficial for us, it makes
possible
Correct pronoun usage
it possible
show examples
 to improve our
researching
Replace the word
research
 skills and strengths discipline. By doing
self-study
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self-study,
show examples
 it is more likely we are able to
dipe
Correct your spelling
delve
 deeper and learn more than traditional classes. In my opinion,
materials
Correct article usage
the materials
show examples
 provided for us
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 limited
and
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, and
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 we might be able to choose within that limited space.
For example
Linking Words
, when
beforemade
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apply
show examples
materials
given
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are given
show examples
me
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to me
show examples
, I always try to limit myself
by that
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to those
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 materials.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, when we have to attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university lectures,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that case we have to
feel
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take
show examples
 more responsibility
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 ourselves. Because
,
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apply
show examples
 all of us are in some educational-system and probably
at the end
Linking Words
 of each semester we have to
attend in
Verb problem
take
show examples
 mandatory exams. These reasons make us
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
learn
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 more deeply and systematically. But, if we learn whatever and whenever we want, it negatively
effect to
Verb problem
affects
show examples
 our responsibility on lessons. As a
consequnce
Correct your spelling
consequence
, we would not likely
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
feel
anything
Correct word choice
that anything
show examples
 mandatory
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to be done
on
Change preposition
to
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 us.
For example
Linking Words
, traditional educational systems make me
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
learn
eveything
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everything
 in order.
Conclusion
As a result
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, I have
neutral
Correct article usage
a neutral
show examples
 choice on preferring Internet-based or University-based
courses
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. We have to choose what is more likely to be useful for us. Internet-based
courses
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 could be more helpful when we decide to gain any new skills. Wheares, University-based
courses
Use synonyms
 can be selected
while
Linking Words
 preparing
to
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for
show examples
 some essential exams.
Additionally
Linking Words
, we have to consider that
,
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apply
show examples
 Internet-based
courses
Use synonyms
 provide us more new information, wheares University-based would probably provide information based on
chosen
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the chosen
show examples
 system.

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task response
You discuss both online study and study at a university, and you give your own view. However, your view is not fully clear: you say you are neutral, but your first body part strongly supports online study. State one clear view in the start and repeat it in the end.
task response
Give fuller reasons for each side. For online study, explain how students can learn at their own time and place. For university study, explain the help from teachers, classmates, and planned study.
task response
Your examples are mostly about yourself. Use clear real-life examples, such as an online learner who can study after work, or a university student who gets help from a teacher in class.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, online study, university study, and end. Make the main idea of each body part clearer in its first sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not link well. For example, the point about online study being free and the point about a lack of duty need a clearer link. Show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Firstly”, “On the other hand”, and “As a result” are helpful, but do not use “Because” to begin many sentences. Join the reason to the sentence before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, such as “learn”, “materials”, and “mandatory”. Use simple other words where possible: study, class work, course work, set work, and duty.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by showing good points of both types of study and by giving your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of separate body parts for the two views makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to the main question and compares when each type of course may be useful.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • flexibility
  • customized learning
  • interactive platforms
  • resource availability
  • face-to-face interaction
  • networking opportunities
  • collaboration
  • hands-on experiences
  • internships
  • structured environment
  • self-discipline
  • personal development
  • extracurricular activities
  • learning pace
  • degree qualification
  • educational experience
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