IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are good at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some people believe that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should study all
school
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 equally,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that they should focus mainly on the
subjects
Use synonyms
 they are good at or interested in.
Although
Linking Words
 studying a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
 can provide
students
Use synonyms
 with general
knowledge
Use synonyms
, I believe that
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should have the opportunity to concentrate more on the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that match their abilities and
interests
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, studying all
school
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial for
teenagers
Use synonyms
 for several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it provides them with a broad range of
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and helps them understand different
areas
Use synonyms
 of life.
For example
Linking Words
,
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as mathematics, science, history and languages can develop different skills that may be useful in the future.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 may not know exactly what career they want to pursue at a young age.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studying different
subjects
Use synonyms
 can help them discover their
interests
Use synonyms
 and choose a suitable career later in life. If
students
Use synonyms
 only focus on one subject from an early age, they may miss the opportunity to discover other
areas
Use synonyms
 in which they could potentially be successful.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, focusing on
subjects
Use synonyms
 that
students
Use synonyms
 are good at or interested in can
also
Linking Words
 have significant advantages. When
teenagers
Use synonyms
 study
subjects
Use synonyms
 they enjoy, they are generally more motivated and willing to spend time improving their skills.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may achieve better academic results and develop expertise in a particular area.
For instance
Linking Words
, a student who is particularly interested in computer science may benefit more from spending additional time learning programming rather than concentrating equally on
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they have little interest in.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, allowing
students
Use synonyms
 to specialise can help them prepare for their future careers and become highly skilled in their chosen fields.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 should study all essential
school
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
, but they should be given more freedom to focus on the
areas
Use synonyms
 they are particularly interested in or talented at. Basic
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of different
subjects
Use synonyms
 is important for developing well-rounded individuals,
while
Linking Words
 specialisation can help
students
Use synonyms
 reach their full potential.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that a balance between general education and personal specialisation is the most effective approach.
Conclusion
In conclusion, studying all
school
Use synonyms
subjects
Use synonyms
 gives
teenagers
Use synonyms
 broad
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and allows them to discover their
interests
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 focusing on particular
subjects
Use synonyms
 can increase motivation and help them develop specialised skills. I believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should learn the essential
subjects
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 spend more time on the
areas
Use synonyms
 that suit their abilities and
interests
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view of your own. To make it even stronger, add one more real and clear example for each side, such as a student who finds a new skill through art or science.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: all subjects give wide knowledge, while more time on strong subjects can help future work. You could explain more clearly how schools can keep key subjects for all students while giving extra class time for chosen subjects.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, first view, second view, and ending. Each part stays on one main point, so it is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. For even smoother flow, use fewer links that begin each sentence and join some ideas with clear cause-and-effect wording.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your view clearly and matches the ideas in the body. You can make it more direct by saying exactly what the balance may look like, for example, core classes for all and extra time for chosen classes.
task response
You answer every part of the question. Both sides receive fair attention, and your own view is clear from the opening to the ending.
task response
The computer science and programming example fits the point well. It shows why interest can lead to more work and stronger skills.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is strong. The reader can follow your points without getting lost.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part begins with a clear main idea and then gives reasons and an example or result.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: