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Band 7.5

The UN recentky celebrated its 70th anniversary. What benefits has it brought during this time? Do you think the UN will last another 70 years?

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Introduction
The United Nations (UN) recently celebrated its 70th anniversary. During
this
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 period, it has played an important role in promoting peace, protecting human
rights
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 and helping
countries
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 deal with international problems. In my opinion, the UN has brought significant benefits to the world, and I believe it is likely to continue to exist for at least another 70 years.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main benefits of the UN is its contribution to international peace and security. It provides a place where
countries
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 can discuss conflicts and try to find peaceful solutions
instead
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 of immediately using military force. The
organisation
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 has
also
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 been involved in peacekeeping operations in different parts of the world. Another important contribution is humanitarian assistance. The UN and its agencies provide food, healthcare and other forms of support to people affected by wars, natural disasters and poverty.
In addition
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, it has helped promote human
rights
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 and encouraged
countries
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 to cooperate on global issues
such
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 as climate change, disease and education.
Body paragraph 2
Despite these achievements, some people may argue that the UN has not always been successful. It can be difficult for
such
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 a large
organisation
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 to make decisions because
countries
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 have different interests and political goals.
Furthermore
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, the UN cannot always prevent wars or stop governments from violating human
rights
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.
However
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, I believe that these limitations do not mean that the
organisation
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 is no longer useful. In fact, international cooperation is becoming increasingly important because many modern problems cannot be solved by individual
countries
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 alone.
Body paragraph 3
I
therefore
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 believe that the UN is likely to survive for another 70 years. Global challenges
such
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 as climate change, international conflicts, pandemics and migration require
countries
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 to work together. As long as these problems continue to exist, there will be a need for an international
organisation
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 that can bring governments together and encourage cooperation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the UN has made important contributions to peace, humanitarian assistance and human
rights
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 during its first 70 years.
Although
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 it has some weaknesses and cannot solve every international problem, I believe its role will remain important and that it will continue to exist for many decades to come.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question clearly, as you do here. To make the ideas stronger, add one or two real examples of UN work, such as help after a war or a health crisis.
task response
Your main points are clear: peace, aid, rights, and work between countries. Explain one point in more depth, showing how UN action has changed life for people.
task response
Your view on the next 70 years is clear and is supported by good reasons. You could also say what the UN may need to change, so the answer feels more complete.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, benefits, limits, future view, and ending. Keep using this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraph links are clear, especially words like “Another”, “In addition”, “However”, and “Therefore”. You can make the second main paragraph flow even better by linking the UN’s limits more directly to its future need.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph stays on one main idea. The first body paragraph is quite full, so it could be split into two paragraphs: one for peace and one for aid and rights.
task response
You give a direct and clear answer about the UN’s past work and its likely future.
task response
The reasons for the UN lasting are useful and relevant, especially climate change, conflict, health crises, and movement of people.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states the main view, and the ending returns to it in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas move in a sensible order, and the reader can follow your argument easily.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • peacekeeping
  • human rights
  • humanitarian aid
  • sustainable development
  • international cooperation
  • diplomacy
  • global health
  • cybersecurity
  • geopolitical dynamics
  • bureaucracy
  • funding issues
  • political conflicts
  • advocacy
  • conflict resolution
  • universal declaration
  • environmental protection
  • member states
  • Paris Agreement
  • World Health Organization
  • effectiveness
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