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Band 4

Many students finish high school and wish to continue their studies overseas. Give the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad.

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Introduction
Life nowadays
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 changed dramatically from the past .
Students
Use synonyms
 nowadays can
study
Use synonyms
 and learn languages abroad in
too much far
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 countries. The essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad for
students
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One on
Correct word order
On the one
show examples
 hand, studying abroad has significantly too much advantages .
First,
Linking Words
it’s help
Verb problem
it helps
show examples
 the
students
Use synonyms
 to be independent of
their self
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, by taking care of
their self
Fix the agreement mistake
themselves
show examples
,
mental
Correct determiner usage
their mental
show examples
 health ,health ,and studies.
Also
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 should wake up every morning before the lecture begins .
Second,
Linking Words
it’s easy to learn advanced knowledge and technology.
In addition
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 have to help each other with the homework and exams.
Moreover
Linking Words
, searching
the
Change preposition
for
show examples
 information in the university library will help
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
easy
Verb problem
is easy
show examples
 to find.
Finally
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 having the new experience in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it could be their first experience
by traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad without their family.
Also
Linking Words
, it
weight
Verb problem
would
show examples
 be
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 best experience in their entire lives.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying abroad
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 its disadvantages.
First,
Linking Words
there is a difference in the contrary culture and tradition.
For example
Linking Words
, every country has its own traditions and cultures that they
used to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
have
them
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 since the past . Some
students
Use synonyms
 may not
used
Verb problem
be used
show examples
 to their culture and traditions and get confused.
Second,
Linking Words
studying abroad
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 a lot of money .
In addition
Linking Words
, parents should pay for the university for every semester and every subject.
Also
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 should have their own apartment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
it’s coast
Use the right word
it costs
show examples
 a lot of money.
Family
Correct article usage
The family
show examples
 should pay for the apartment every month and give the
students
Use synonyms
 money to live and eat food .
Finally
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 may
fell
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 lonely .
Moreover
Linking Words
, studying abroad means that
students
Use synonyms
 will see their friends and family once a year.
Students
Use synonyms
 may not have a lot of friends as they’re in their school.
Conclusion
In the conclusion, in every chapter of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life it should has it own challenges.Some
students
Use synonyms
 may fail if they
study
Use synonyms
 abroad
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others may fail because they don’t try
and
Correct word choice
to
show examples
study
Use synonyms
 even if they
study
Use synonyms
 in their country.
Finally
Linking Words
, it depends on the person how
Use synonyms
study
Correct pronoun usage
they study
show examples
 and
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 capabilities.

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Task response
You answer both parts: the good and bad sides of study abroad. Add clearer main ideas, such as better language skills, new work chances, high cost, and homesickness.
Task response
Use more real examples. For example, say how a student can use a new language in class, shops, and daily life. For the bad side, explain how rent, food, and travel can make study hard.
Task response
Keep your last paragraph focused on the question. Your ending should sum up the main good and bad points, rather than talk about students who fail.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, a paragraph for good points, a paragraph for bad points, and an ending. This is a good plan.
Coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body paragraph, independence, school work, library use, and travel are mixed together. Split these into smaller, clearer parts.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words carefully: First, Also, For example, However, and Finally. Do not use many links when the next sentence does not clearly add to the main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each example match the point before it. After saying students become independent, explain daily tasks such as cooking, paying bills, and planning time.
Task response
You give several useful good points, including independence, new knowledge, and new life experience.
Task response
You include important bad points: culture shock, high costs, and feeling alone.
Coherence and cohesion
The use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" helps the reader see the two sides of the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
Your introduction tells the reader that you will discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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