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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should start school sooner while others believe ‎they should not start it before seven. Discuss both views, and give your own ‎opinion

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Introduction
Society is very different today from the past.
School
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 is significant for
people
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. It has changed the lives of
people
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 for the better.
This
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 essay will examine why some
people
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 believe that
children
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 should start
school
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 sooner and why others think they should not start
school
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 before seven.
Body paragraph 1
There are many reasons why some
people
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 encourage
children
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 to start
school
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 sooner.
First,
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they consider that when
children
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 start
school
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 sooner, they will gain skills.
For
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instance
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,
children
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 who start
school
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 early will have better concentration.
Also
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, they can keep
information
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 for a long time in their brain.
Second,
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children
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 will communicate with other
people
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.
For example
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, they will create relationships with classmates.
In addition
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, they will communicate with their educators easily.
Third,
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children
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 who start
school
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 early will have their discipline enhanced.
For
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instance
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, they sleep early , and they do not stay up late.
Moreover
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, they should study every day
due to
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 exams and assignments.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 consider that
children
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 should not commence before seven.
First,
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they believe that
children
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 can not accommodate
information
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 and facts about subjects.
For
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instance
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,
children
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 can not keep
information
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 about math because it depends on analysis.
Furthermore
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, they can not keep
information
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 because there are many difficult facts to learn.
Second,
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they say
children
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 should enjoy their childhood for a long time.
For example
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, they suggest
children
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do
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apply
show examples
not join
school
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and
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, and
show examples
 they advise them to play football.
Additionally
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, they encourage them to know about their favourite hobbies.
Third,
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they say
children
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 should learn about their lives from their families.
For
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instance
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, they suggest that
children
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 should obtain wisdom from their fathers.
Moreover
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,
children
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 should learn about emotions from their mothers.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in my opinion, I consider that the best age for study is ten because older
children
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 will be more skilled.

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task response
Discuss both sides, but make your own view clear in the first part and develop it in the last part. The last line gives an age of ten, but it does not clearly say why ten is better than starting early or at seven.
task response
Give a fuller reason for your view. For example, say that older children may be more ready to focus, follow rules, and learn, while they can still have time to play before school.
task response
Some points need more care. Saying young children cannot learn maths is too strong. You could say that hard school work may be less right for some young children.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, explain how a young child may learn to share and speak with others at school, or how play at home can help a child grow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: first side, second side, and end. Keep this plan, but make each main point connect more closely to the question of school starting age.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job. You use 'First', 'Second', and 'Third' well, but 'For example', 'Also', and 'Moreover' are sometimes used when the next sentence is not a true example or extra point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end stronger by restating both sides in a short way before giving your view. This will help the reader see how your final view comes from the two sides.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about keeping information. Put one clear idea in each part, then explain it and give one example.
task response
You answer both parts of the question by giving reasons for starting school early and reasons for waiting until seven.
task response
You give a clear personal view at the end: you think children should start at an older age.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main part has its own paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic signposts such as 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Early education
  • Foundational skills
  • Cognitive abilities
  • Discipline and routine
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Developmental pace
  • Unstructured play
  • Competitive advantage
  • Academic exposure
  • Educational systems
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