IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that living in a high-rise apartment block is a lonely experience because there is no community spirit. Others say that people who live in high-rise apartments have a much better sense of community than those who live in a house. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
People
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 have different views about living in high-rise
apartment
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 buildings.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that
this
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 can be a lonely experience, others argue that it can create a strong sense of
community
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. In my opinion, living in a high-rise
apartment
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 can be either social or lonely depending on how
people
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 interact with their
neighbours
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.
Body paragraph 1
‏On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that living in high-rise buildings can be lonely.
This
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 is because
residents
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 may have little interaction with their
neighbours
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.
Although
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 many
people
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 live in the same building, they may not know each other well.
For example
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,
people
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 living on different floors might only see each other in the elevator without having a real conversation.
In addition
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, some
residents
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 may prefer to keep their lives private, which can make it difficult to build relationships with others.
Body paragraph 2
‏
On the other hand
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, high-rise apartments can
also
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 provide a strong sense of
community
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. One reason is that
residents
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 live close to many other
people
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, so they have more opportunities to meet and communicate with their
neighbours
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 may regularly meet in shared areas
such
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 as the entrance, parking area, gym or garden.
Moreover
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,
residents
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 can help each other with simple things,
such
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 as collecting packages or looking after each other’s homes
while
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 they are away. These interactions can gradually lead to friendships and a stronger
community
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.
Body paragraph 3
‏In my opinion, I believe that the social experience of living in a high-rise
apartment
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 mainly depends on the individual. The building itself can provide opportunities for social interaction, but
residents
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 need to make an effort to communicate with others. If
people
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 are friendly and willing to talk to their
neighbours
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, they are more likely to develop good relationships.
However
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, those who prefer privacy may still feel isolated even when they live close to many
people
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.
Conclusion
‏In conclusion, living in a high-rise
apartment
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 can sometimes be a lonely experience, but it can
also
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 help
people
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 develop a strong sense of
community
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. I believe that the way
people
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 interact with their
neighbours
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 is more important than the type of housing they live in.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. To make the answer stronger, add one more clear reason or a more real example for each side. For example, say how a shared gym, a group chat, or a building event can help people know each other.
task response
Your main idea is clear: people can feel close or alone based on how they act. You could make this view even more direct by saying that the building gives chances to meet, but people must use these chances.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, your view, and an ending. Keep this good plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your links between ideas are clear, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “Moreover”. Try not to use the same link words too often. You can also use simple links like “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “At the same time” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Most paragraphs stay on one main point. In the paragraph about your own view, you can join the first two sentences more smoothly: say that the building offers many chances to meet, yet the result depends on whether people choose to speak and help each other.
task response
You answer every part of the task. Both views are explained, and your own view is clear from the opening to the end.
task response
Your examples are relevant and easy to understand, such as meeting in the elevator, using shared places, collecting packages, and watching a neighbour’s home.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one clear job and the ideas move in a natural order.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly brings the two sides together and repeats your main view without adding a new idea.
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