With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

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Introduction
In today’s world, urbanisation and industrial development
is
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are
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increasing.
Consequently
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, deforestation is being done in order to provide more space for
this
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development. All
this
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is disrupting the natural habitats of
animals
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, which is forcing them towards the edge of
the
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apply
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extinction. In
this
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essay, I will discuss
about
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apply
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the importance of conserving
animals
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and some ways to tackle
this
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problem in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with, protecting wildlife is necessary to maintain ecological balance. Different animal species plays crucial role in maintaining balance in the ecosystem. Common wild
animals
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, which are at risk of
extinction
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extinction,
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are the tigers, lions, elephants, rhinoceroses and so on. Every creature
have
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has
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a different function to perform.
For example
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, the carnivores
such
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as tigers and lions
keeps
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keep
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check on the population of many herbivores like zebra,
deers
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deer
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by hunting them as their food. In
this
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way, plants grow in an efficient manner
,
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apply
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when herbivores do not feed on them.
Hence
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,
green
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the green
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environment gets protection
and
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, and
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air
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the air
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quality remains good.
Body paragraph 2
In
the
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apply
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view of
many
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the many
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benefits of those creatures to the environment,
government
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the government
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should take
actions
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action
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to prevent illegal hunting.
Although
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,
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apply
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there are many laws related to their protection, higher authorities should ensure that people play by the rules.
Also
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, strict actions should be taken against those
,
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apply
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who cut the trees without taking permission from the administrations. People should become more environmentally responsible and should try to plant more trees, so as to prevent
disturbance
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the disturbance
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of
natural
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the natural
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habitat of
animals
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.
Government
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The government
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should organise campaigns to raise awareness about various
environment related
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environmental-related
topics among
general
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the general
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public.
Thus
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, with these eco-friendly steps,
animals
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can live peacefully in
this
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world.
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
although
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development is mandatory with time, attention should be paid towards not harming other living creatures in
this
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process, because everyone have right to live their life peacefully.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain why animals need help and give ways to help them. To make the answer stronger, add one more clear reason, such as animals being important for food, water, or plant life.
task response
Some ideas need more detail. For example, explain how tree loss affects one animal, and show what may happen if that animal is gone. This will make your main point more clear.
task response
Your example about lions, tigers, and plant growth is useful, but it is a little too simple. Make the link clear: fewer hunters can lead to too many plant-eating animals, which can harm plants.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, reasons, ways to help, and ending. Keep this order, but make each body part start with one short main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “also”, “for example”, “as a result”, and “therefore” can show how ideas connect. Do not use “although” when there is no clear contrast after it.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into two short sentences, especially when you explain cause and result. This will make your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
The last line repeats the idea of living peacefully, but it could end more directly. Restate the need to protect animals and mention law, tree care, and public action.
task response
You stay on the topic and deal with both animal protection and ways to stop the problem.
task response
You give relevant ways to help, including stronger action against illegal hunting, tree protection, planting trees, and public campaigns.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending brings the main message together.
coherence and cohesion
The use of an example about carnivores and herbivores helps the reader understand your point about nature.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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