IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays a few people take their family with them abroad whenever they got on a business trip. Is it a positive or negative in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
use to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
take their family
to the
Change preposition
on
show examples
 business
trip
Check wording
trips
show examples
 with them abroad . In my opinion ,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
 thing can be
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 thing for the
people
Use synonyms
 and
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 family ,
And
Fix capitalization
and
show examples
 support the development.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
 ,
People
Use synonyms
 can
balanced
Wrong verb form
balance
show examples
 their
live
Replace the word
life
 in the
job
Use synonyms
 and live in the home ,
So he
Fix the agreement mistake
so they
show examples
 can be relaxed that
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 family behinde him and
he
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 will not be worried about them .
Moreover
Linking Words
 ,
People
Use synonyms
 will not feel lonely .
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
 ,
People
Use synonyms
 work with less stress because they know that their family is far from them and they enjoy
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 time
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
thats
Correct your spelling
that's what
 makes them happy and focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
job
Use synonyms
 and work more clearly .
For example
Linking Words
 ,
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 the
People
Use synonyms
 left their family in the
house
Punctuation problem
house,
show examples
 they will not focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
job
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they will feel distracted . So he will
relaxed
Verb problem
feel relaxed
show examples
 that his family is close to him .
Conclusion
In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
People
Use synonyms
 should take their family ,
To
Verb problem
apply
show examples
focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
job
Use synonyms
and be less
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 stress and
also
Linking Words
 balance their
live
Replace the word
lives
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first lines. Say that you support this idea, and say how much you support it. For example: “I mostly support this change, but it is not right for every work trip.”
task response
Explain both good and bad sides. Your essay gives good sides, such as less stress and less loneliness, but it does not explain any bad side. You could write about high cost, less time for work, or trips that are too short.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and a real example. The example about leaving a family at home is very general. Add details, such as a worker who travels for two weeks and feels better when their partner and children are with them.
task response
Avoid saying the same idea many times. “Less stress,” “not lonely,” and “family is close” are linked ideas. Add a new point, such as family members can see a new place or spend more time together.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one main idea in each body part, then a conclusion. Your essay has this shape, but the second body part repeats the first one.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence clear. For example, “People work with less stress because they know that their family is far from them” does not fit your main idea. You mean that they work with less stress because their family is with them.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show the order of your ideas: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.” Do not use “So” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same person in your writing. You move between “people,” “he,” and “his family.” Use “people” and “their family” all through the essay.
task response
You give a clear positive view and support the idea from the start.
task response
You include reasons that are linked to the topic, such as less stress, less loneliness, and more focus at work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Firstly,” “Moreover,” “Secondly,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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