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Writing Samples
Band 5

The qualities a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some people might argue that the university education system does not make a successful
person
Use synonyms
 nowadays,
for example
Linking Words
,
universities
Use synonyms
 do not teach how to start from the bottom. I largely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because there are skills
universities
Use synonyms
 do not teach, which I have had to learn on my own.
Body paragraph 1
Universities
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 teach important techniques
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 if something went wrong or went off script
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 working as a salesperson
most
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, most
show examples
 of the time they are reading from a script
so
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, so
show examples
 if something went
wrong
Punctuation problem
wrong,
show examples
 the situation becomes awkward for everyone involved
or
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, or
show examples
 they lose their client. They may even be fired, because it is a skill university never taught them.
Body paragraph 2
To become truly successful, a
person
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 usually has to fail multiple times
and
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, and
show examples
 the difference between an unsuccessful
person
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 and a successful
person
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 is planning
,
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. For
show examples
for example
Linking Words
, a successful
person
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 will usually have several different plans ready if something went under
and
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, and
show examples
to take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 a risk with planning
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can reduce the chances of failing. A successful
person
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 usually starts a business
while
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 keeping a stable job
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 if the business failed they still have their job as a backup plan. Someone who risks everything without a safety net often cannot recover from a single failure, which is why planning matters more than ambition alone.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I largely agree that
universities
Use synonyms
 cannot teach the qualities behind real success. Handling unexpected situations, recovering from repeated failure, and planning for risk are all learned through experience rather than in a lecture hall.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that you agree only in part because school can teach some useful skills, but real work teaches other skills. This will make your answer more full and fair.
task response
Explain each main idea more. In the first body part, show why a script at work is not enough and how a person learns to deal with a new problem. In the second part, link failure and planning more clearly to success.
task response
Use one clear example for each idea. For example, describe a worker who has to answer a new question from a client, or a small business owner who keeps a job while trying a new business.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. To make the flow better, begin each body part with a short main sentence that tells the reader what the part will show.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into shorter sentences. For example, the part about salespeople, scripts, and losing a client should be split into two or three sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words such as 'for example', 'because', 'however', and 'therefore' can show the link between ideas. Do not put many ideas in one sentence without a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea in each paragraph. The first body part should stay on dealing with new problems. The second should stay on failure, risk, and planning.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep it through the whole essay.
task response
Your points about dealing with new problems, learning from failure, and planning for risk are relevant to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion brings together the main ideas and directly answers the question.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Practical experience
  • Decision-making
  • Problem-solving
  • Adaptability
  • Theoretical study
  • Industry-specific skills
  • Technological skills
  • Technical skills
  • On-the-job training
  • Specialized courses
  • Soft skills
  • Leadership
  • Interpersonal communication
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Real-world environments
  • Networking skills
  • Professional network
  • Career advancement
  • Entrepreneurial mindset
  • Risk-taking
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Conventional academic setting
  • Lifelong learning
  • Continuous personal and professional development
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